I think I have some form of depression or anxiety because of life. I don’t feel motivated to do anything, I don’t feel like anything matters. I think of the fact that we are all going to die and not exist at some point and it makes me scared and also feel like everything is pointless. I am trying to enjoy life but I don’t feel my heart light. I always have this bugging feeling, this fear, a fear that is real.

I’ve experienced some overwhelming panic attacks several times. And I have experienced some moments where I felt very shocked and scared and now.. I don’t know. I can’t feel free/light in my heart anymore. If I get excited about something, it doesn’t last 1 minute.

It shocks me and I can’t understand how can you exist in one moment and be gone the next (or how can you love someone and then get so angry at them that you would hurt them a lot and not think for one second of how they must be feeling and that you actually love them). I always think that all of this could end any time, and at some point it will. I don’t feel like this reality is real, because it will end, it’s not permanent. And actually I can do anything I want, and change the course of my life or this reality…this makes me uncomfortable. I don’t feel joy, I don’t feel motivated. I prefer to stay at home, in my comfort zone because I don’t want something to happen to me that could have been avoided. For example, I would like to travel with an airplane…but I am scared that it would crash (I know the plane is safer than something else) or that I would get to a country and die because of a terrorist attack or some natural  disaster….and then I would die and everything would have been avoided if I had stayed home… I know this is not okay and I must heal from the fear/shock I felt in the past but I don’t know how to do this.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by coconut.