Thank you, everyone. I had to go and take the time to think about what everyone had said. I appreciate your time. And Anita especially for re-linking to my old posts, I can see how I am not breaking through all patterns.

In answer to your questions Anita :

I moved to the UK. I spent 4 months travelling around the whole country, looking for good schools and jobs that fit around the children, and I could not find a school that was even in a ballpark of affordable or workable.  Nor could I find a job. In the end, my parents could not help me any further, and in the meantime my children’s father gave up his job and threatened to move in with his mum, leaving my children with no maintenance. We do not have access to the welfare system due to having left the country for over a year. In the end, we had to move overseas again because my parents were very stressed as the house was full.  I have been looking for jobs here since I arrived, and though I have two degrees and good experience was only able to get cleaning positions due to the nepotistic culture here.  I cannot afford to get divorced and live separately, but I spend every day working towards that.  But you are right, part of it is other people’s judgement. They see their father and he puts on a good front of being a good provider and husband, so I do fall into the trap of almost feeling ashamed, and having people say I am negative and should keep working in my marriage. BUT we have lived in separate rooms since, and have separate lives.

With regard to the school community – I think I have it in mind to rise above it in the short term, but also leave when I can.