Hi John,

I dont think it is pathetic but I do think your thoughts have taken over your mind. I think that is very easy to do and all the “just dont think about her’s” in the world wont help.

A few ways to try and make you think about her less is to:

1) practice mindfulness. This sounds a bit homey pokey but actually just means focusing entirely on the present moment. It is easier to do if you are doing a task like cleaning the dishes or gardening- anything that you have to focus on. You make it your goal to do whatever it is as best you can and focus on it and you kind of get lost in the process and time goes by.

2) run. If you go running you cant really run and think at the same time. A good break for your brain.

3) get excited about something in your life that does not involve your ex. This could be anything but something you will feel proud of doing and regularly commit time to. For me this is yoga.

4) accept you feel how you feel. Eg right now you still miss her. That is 100% okay and valid but you can miss her AND progress with your life. In fact this is what I would say 99.9% of people have done at some point or other. This way you arent fighting against missing her, you just are. That is okay. It just means it will take more time.

5) if you really really really want her back then leave your girlfriend and go round and aee her. But I feel that maybe you dont want that. Like you want the idea of her back but maybe not her?? I dont know. Maybe you do rreally really want her back and it sucks as she is with someone else, but if that is the case then that is just how it is. Life is not here all the time, to make us happy, and often we get what we want not what we need- que rolling stones song.. so you can miss her and carry on being an awesome person! You arent ruined or broken or anything else because she is no longer in your life.

6) go to therapy. Try online therapy such as betterhelp or talkspace if you dont want to go face to face. It will help. If u are already going and i missed it in your post, ignore this one.

7) volunteer or do something to help a cause you beleive in eg make it your mission to do a random act of kindness each day eg focus on something else other than your ex.

8) accept you will be sad at times and it will hurt. Sometimes it will feel like it hurts for the very first time all over again. It will pass.

9) read “ask polly” agony aunt questions online-they are funny and you may find some advice in there that relate to your situation.

I have followed your thread for a while. I want you to feel better and to start to be able to feel more at peace. It sounds exhausting how things are now. Take good care of yourself.