I think that may be it exactly Anita. I think my soul has been yearning for the connection her and I had that night, and although I knew I wanted it, I didn’t realize how much until she produced it, then took it away so abruptly. And with a night filled with ideas for the future, being dropped into the same exact place filled with loneliness the next day crushed me. Getting a taste of what we shared that night, coming back to this place is dreadful.

I felt I’d be over in a week. Then two weeks. And that’s where I’m at now. And of course, I cried pretty hard before walking into my house after work today over this. The weekend starts for me on Thursday evenings, and before even coming inside, I can see the weekend is going to be filled with me agonizing over this for the full 3 days. Like a dark cloud over anything I decide to try doing to get my mind off of it.

I got what would have been considered a “jackpot”. A good date followed by hooking up. But here I sit, fully consumed by thoughts of this girl I went on a SINGLE date with, and absolutely hating every minute of my life. (I’m sorry if I’m sounding too depressing. I know people in my current state can be sickening to talk to and hear from)

I’m trying very hard to adopt the mindset of “just move on. It was 1 date!”. But being a relatively shy guy that has difficulties with confidence, I guess I have a really hard time shifting into that “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” frame of mind when meeting women (especially in my 30s), when I have such a hard time getting out of the house, and introducing myself to ANYone, but especially attractive women. It’s like all I’m filled with are feelings of regret for missing the only opportunity I’d be granted in a long, long time.

And regarding the question relating to me childhood: there’s so much before the age of about 16 that I just remember. I remember some big events, and small bits and pieces of things, but generally I can’t recall most of my childhood. Off of the top of my head, the only 2 real things I can remember in regards to good memories as the whole family would be one time when my parents were on the couch together and me and my sister laying on the floor all watching a movie. The second would be on a Sunday morning in their bed,  my dad playing with my sister and me playing with my mom.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Josh.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Josh.