Your breakup has been almost as long as mine and, although I still think about my ex sometimes, too, it helps to come to terms with the fact of things as they are. She isn’t in your life right now, and that’s all you need to know at the moment, you know? If she was gauging your situation, well you were still with your girlfriend and you’re still with her even now, so nothing can change at least until you change your current situation.

 

Yes, i need to change my situation.  I’m trying to do that.  My brain and heart is so freaking messed  up.  One moment i think i just need to forget her and dismiss the thought of ever seeing her again, then the next.  All I can think about  is seeing her and re-kindling what we had.  Yet, i know if she wanted it she had plenty of opportunity to go after it.  I hurt so much every day for so many reasons.

I really think what you’ve all said about me meeting the right person will kill any thoughts or feelings I have for her.  I do think you all are right.  How am I supposed to meet that right person though.  Someone who is just like her.  She is the one I want… the one i need.  I wish things were simple and you could just tell someone these things without it coming across needy or clingy.  I wish so many things.  I feel like i’m stuck in this fantasy land or love story that isn’t over, even thought it is.

My girlfriend asked me what it was about her.  I told her i don’t know.  Honestly I don’t.   I love all the things about her, even the bad things.  I don’t know why or what the hell.   that line “you complete me” says it all.  Cause she did.  I never felt whole until i met her.  I really think I am going insane.  That’s what it feels like.  Everyday is groundhog day for me.  Everyday i still wake up thinking about her, thinking about what went wrong and how fast it went wrong, wondering if she is really telling me everything.  Thinking how I forgave her already for anything that she could of done.  thinking that all i need is to here from her.  For her to hold  my hand again and tell me that she does love me and miss me too.

If she were to contact me and want me back.  I would have no  hesitation….  again. how pathetic am i?….

You would HAVE to have hesitation though because you’re still with someone right now.  You’re worried about kicking your girlfriend out because of her situation but if your ex came back you’d have no hesitation?  What does that tell you?

That tells me I need to be done.  that I need to end this now, no matter the hurt or consequences.  I just have such a hard time hurting someone like this.

I really should have never started dating again.  Never.   I have so many regrets.  I feel like i’m just one big broken freaking screw up.

damnit i’m crying again.  i really have begun to hate myself and my life.  I have so much to be thankful for, but at the same time.  I just don’t want to live anymore.  Everyday is a struggle.  A monotonous daily routine that turns in to week, month, year.  no matter how hard i try to change things, it all goes back the way it was.  to shit.

I miss her so much.  I really don’t understand what’s wrong with me and why i can’t just let go.

thanks for listening.  I really needed this.  I’ll keep you posted