I really think what you’ve all said about me meeting the right person will kill any thoughts or feelings I have for her.  I do think you all are right.  How am I supposed to meet that right person though.  Someone who is just like her.  She is the one I want… the one i need.  I wish things were simple and you could just tell someone these things without it coming across needy or clingy.  I wish so many things.  I feel like i’m stuck in this fantasy land or love story that isn’t over, even thought it is.

That’s the thing, though, John. Your mind is telling you that you need someone exactly like her, but that’s not true. You two didn’t work. That’s why you broke up. Something needed to change for you two to be able to work, so you don’t need someone just like her (or who she was when you dated)… you need someone that really fits you… either her changed into someone more mature or someone else entirely, but if you get someone exactly like she was when you were dating, you’ll have the same problems and break up like before. Our minds think we know what we need but we only know what we want. We DON’T always know what’s best for us, no matter how strongly we feel about it.

Your ex gave you a taste of what a real great relationship was like, but only a temporary one. That’s what you’re desperately clinging onto now, but it’s only making you suffer and potentially keeping you from someone who is truly long-term great. And remember…. the way she left wasn’t great. The fact that she started dating someone else so quickly wasn’t great. The way you’ve felt for the past year and a half hasn’t been great… so she is not as great as your mind and heart want to believe. She needed to change, too, and based on your interactions with her in January, she still had some maturing to do, even then.

You just have to do whatever you can to get yourself to the point where you will LET yourself let go. You’re not to that point yet, which is why you’re still thinking about it so strongly and suffering so much.  I know it’s possible because I am finally to that point.  I haven’t let go of my ex completely (and that’s okay. You don’t have to either) because I still think of him probably daily but I don’t get emotional about it anymore, and I’m able to just let those thoughts pass and remind myself that there is still someone out there, but now isn’t a great time for him to come into my life anyway because I have so much going on. And it would be a TERRIBLE time for yours to come into your life now, too. Your life isn’t open to it because you’re still attached to 2 people, your girlfriend and your ex.

That tells me I need to be done.  that I need to end this now, no matter the hurt or consequences.  I just have such a hard time hurting someone like this.

Absolutely. And I get that it’s hard but think of it this way…. you have been dragging this out since AT LEAST October… so that’s 6 months. If you’d broken up with your girlfriend back then, which still would’ve been terrible timing, just like it is now, she would’ve had the last 6 months to grieve, get situated, and maybe even meet someone who would be a better fit for her. Your prolonging the relationship is keeping her from that. And just like then and now, there isn’t going to be a perfect time for a breakup, so you just have to do it now. Get on with it so you can both move on and stop feeling so terrible. Especially with you getting so frustrated with your life that you don’t want to live it. You need to change your situation for yourself and your kids more than anything.

Good luck! And definitely keep us posted.