Dear Anna:

Your life experience has been that of an outsider envying the insiders. As the social animals that we are, we all need to be inside a social group, to be a part of a group. You have been angry for quite a while, for years, angry at those people in the inside who didn’t let you in, who ignored you while you needed them so intensely.

Here are the expressions of your anger at the inside-people who didn’t let you in, sometimes outright rejecting your efforts to join them, at other times just ignoring you: “I hate everyone.. I see the flaws in people right away… I hate the society I live in. I hate people.. I absolutely hate humanity… full of vein, ignorant people”.

Your anger, and the intense anger (hate) grew from hating the particular people who rejected you and ignored you, those in the inside who didn’t let you in, to all of humanity.

As you hate everyone, really, you need them still, to accept you, to engage you, to let you in.  Problem is, you now will not let yourself be in the position of being rejected or ignored first, you reject and ignore others, so no chance for you to … finally be on the inside of a social group, be it a group of two or three or more.

“I just want to do the things other teenagers my age do. I want to go to parties..  have inside jokes and actually mean something to others”-

– we all need to mean something to others, to be valued by others. We need others to value us as good enough to want us in their group.

“my life is so boring and routine… uneventful.. wasted”- as the social animals that we are, without a social life, life is indeed boring and routine, nothing-happening, a waste; we just have-to-have a social life, otherwise, we are miserable.

“The world is not genuine like it used to be generations ago”- you weren’t around generations ago, you don’t know how it used to be. Generations ago there were plenty of people on the outside, as miserable as you are and as I used to be, also on the outside, like you. As a matter of fact, my outside-experience was generations before yours, so you see, it wasn’t that great generations ago.

My closing thoughts for now: you can be inside, part of a group, and life can be then so much better than it is. The emotions of hurt and anger about your experience so far have to lose their intensity so that you will be open to find the tribe that you crave, as Mark put it (“You crave your tribe”).

Did you consider counseling/ psychotherapy so to process your past experience, release that anger, lessen its intensity and proceed?

anita