hello, i am a 17 year old girl and i absolutely 100% hate my life. where do i even begin…?

Let’s start from the beginning I guess. I feel like my entire life has been boring, uneventful, and not special. I don’t have any good memories from my childhood. I never had friends that I was super close to and told everything to. I never did the things others did. I moved schools quite a bit so i was always an outsider. I never fit in. In middle school there were always cliques and i only had like 2 friends but i never really liked them. I was very positive and happy as a child but after constantly feeling unpopular or like i had no friends to talk to that i truly enjoyed being with i became a very pessimistic person. middle school was absolute torture and it really took a toll on my attitude and my outlook on life.

Now, i truly hate life and i hate everyone. I am super cynical. i see the flaws in people right away which makes it impossible for me to have friends and be happy with them. I literally never had a stable group of friends that have stuck by me. Literally none. I had a few friends here and there but they all came and left. i feel extremely lonely and like i am missing out on life. my mom is the only person who understands me, but i feel weird always hanging out with her. I do not have anyone else. i just want to do the things other teenagers my age do. i want to go to parties and have fun and have friends and just enjoy life. i want to joke around with people and have inside jokes and actually mean something to others. i want to be acknowledged and i want to make memories. my teenage years are almost over (i am turning 18 soon) and i have done nothing except for get very good grades and get a full scholarship to college. That is literally my only accomplishment.

Anyway, for background when i was 15 i moved for like the third time. these past almost 3 years have been absolute misery. my life is so boring and routine. i always knew how much my life sucked but i always thought it would get better, but recently i have been feeling like it never will. I hate the society i live in. i hate people and what the world has become. I hate the internet, I think it is seriously like poison. The world is not genuine like it used to be generations ago and that is part of the reason why i am so hopeless. I absolutely hate humanity and have no hope for this world. I do not want to live in this world anymore full of vein, ignorant people. i constantly feel like no one understands me and everyone is in their own little world, and i feel like i will never be able to make any genuine friends because of this. i don’t really know where i am going with this. all i know is that there is no happiness in my life. i keep trying hard to find happiness with my family or by reminiscing on old memories, but my life truly was so boring and uneventful that there is nothing to reflect on. my mom is all i cherish in life but i will be leaving her soon. i am going away to college and feel pretty hopeless that i will find people to be friends with or have a good time.

i am angry that my life was wasted sitting inside my house studying or doing nothing while i could have been living my life to the fullest while still young. but looking back at it it was truly impossible for me to do what i always longed to do. i moved so much that i never knew what home was and was unable to find my “community”. i don’t have any place that i identify with and my entire life feels like i have been searching for a place i belong. i have never felt like i was living in the moment, but constantly searching for something, happiness perhaps, but never being able to attain it.

i just want to know how i can stop feeling so hopeless when i have such a pessimistic view of the world.