Jesus Christ, where the fuck do I start?

Since this thing started six years ago, my whole outlook on life has changed, leaving me feeling totally isolated. The vast majority of people do not realise that they are living in a waking nightmare of their own making. They love watching sex and violence on TV whilst filling their faces with junk food and drink. On the whole, they love what is base and what charms the dullest intelligence, though there are rare exceptions. They ridicule most forms of spirituality, and cannot understand why people try to cope with life by meditating, praying, doing yoga or creative things, preferring instead to cope with the stresses of life by drowning their sorrows with alcohol, sex or drugs. I stated yesterday that I do not believe in an actual God, simply because I do not believe a highly intelligent enlightened deity could fuck things up so badly. I mean, it is really, really sad to see people effectively living on auto-pilot, waiting for the weekend, waiting for the factory to close, waiting for death….

Before August 2013, I was as comatose as everyone else. And believe me, if someone  gave me the chance to go back to sleep, I would take it. But once you’ve had the red pill, there’s no going back, ever. It started with a mental vision of Jesus Christ, and got weirder and weirder. It gave me depression and suicidal ideation, and I ultimately think that suicide is the only answer to a world as screwed up and slanted towards materialism as this one. I am growing distant from my parents, who would rather I said very little. About anything. But I am trying to form stronger relationships with younger members of my family, so there might be some hope there. I am basically trying to avoid facing the true horror of my situation, and I will do anything to distract myself or  I’ll tip over the edge.

What this is, isn’t spirituality. It is enforced evolution. And either I will learn to adapt, or I’ll die.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser