Dear Anita,

Oh my I add. Your entire portion about how your first therapist, or your first psychotherapy sessions involved focusing on your marriage. It was a choice of your psychotherapist to build that unit of your husband and yourself first and foremost. If I had read this I’m here six months ago, which I think I might have, it wouldn’t have occurred to me for this to be so intuitive. I would’ve thought, that is an interesting approach. However, now I don’t see this as interesting, I see this as imperative. As you say, in order for us to heal, we must heal in the context of a loving and nurturing, and healing relationship. We are social beings aren’t we – as you also say. (Clearly your words have so much meaning to me!). I think about it now, myself walking into the office of a therapist, or not even a therapist, into the office of a mentor, I am an elder that is trustworthy, perhaps like in the old days the older woman that everyone went to with their problems, that healer tight. I would tell her my worries, and let her know my background. I would then go on and tell her about my husband, and the troubles we have been having in the last year and a half of so of marriage, many of which are outside of us, but most of which have to do with my behavior. Actually, I digress, none of these issues of ours are outside of myself, they are ingrained in my psyche given my upbringing. I am not taking full blame, I am just stating the obvious.

So this healer woman, I can imagine, I can imagine her saying it right now:

Dear Cali Chica,Front of you you have a man, a nice man, upright man, and honest man, and a man that listens. Oh how difficult it is to find a man that listens! And she chuckles. Oh if you only knew how difficult it was to find a man that listens my young thing. You have a whole life ahead of you, it may not seem like that sometimes. But let me assure you you do. To have someone to listen to you through the thick and thin is lucky. Quite lucky you are. Do not take it vantage of this, but appreciate it. Utilize it. Utilize this person as your sounding board, not your punching bag. Someone who you can converse with, and that will help you on your path and your journey. This person will be your everything. I know you did not come to me just to speak about your husband but I am focusing on him to let you know that: what you get out of your life will have everything to do with how much you put into this relationship. The end.