Dear patelh:

Ideally, your husband’s first priority would be your well being and his child’s. Ideally, his mother’s first priority would be the well being of her son (your husband) and grandson and so, she would act kindly to you in your presence and when not in your presence, not bully you and not instigate others to bully you. Life would be simpler and much more pleasant if that was the case.

Reality, as you well know, is not that. So, what can we  do… operate wisely in the context of reality, and it can be done successfully. By successfully I don’t mean that you can change your husband’s weakness or his mother’s cruelty or unkindness. But you can make it so that her cruelty will not be directed at you, directly or indirectly. Accepting bullying/ abuse is never an option to consider. So you either avoid any contact with all of those who are unkind to you or you have contact and you assert yourself successfully during those contacts.

You wrote regarding your boss: “it’s been hard to say anything while the behavior is taking place!” and it is true to family as well, your husband’s mother and others. It is difficult, but again, your choice is either to not interact with any of them or to interact selectively and successfully assert yourself.

Because is hard “while the behavior is taking place!”- plan in writing. Come up with a behavior that took place already, or any behavior you imagine to take place next, describe it, what is being said, and in turn describe your planned behavior and what you will say. Practice will make it easier.

anita