Dear Anita,

I like how you point out the concept of this overgrown girl.  I notice this mother in the subway yesterday, seemingly an overgrown girl herself.  Looking at videos on her phone laughing out loud without shame, not noticing her child flip back and forth, almost hurting his head severely.  In her own little world.

I think about how I was tricked for so long because my mother was SOOO attentive.  Exact opposite of the scenario above.  Yet, it doesn’t make her any less toxic – and it does NOT make her loving.  This is the key thing I have learned over the past year.

It is easy to be tricked into thinking people are “loving” genuinely.  But it is often a front, that innocent people buy into.

I am not saying this to be vindictive or negative – but more realistic.

See I was tricked by my mothers concern and attentiveness.  Her interest, her everything.  Tricked in the sense that it was all an illusion feigning as love. I notice how I went to others wanting this love, probably knowing deep down inside I wasn’t fulfilled or satisfied.

Always looking , always searching.  Mother let me bring you a flower, oh no you don’t like it? How about this? How about this friend, how about that one? Okay, how about this achievement?

How about this future husband?

Oh still not happy —hmmm I am starting to not feel so great – I am defeated. sigh

I am still trying though for mother, how could I not- I must – I must I felt.

There has to be a way – oh there has to be.

And the reality:

There isn’t.  Some things you just have to accept.  And then you move forward and adjust your life.