Dear Anita,

I absolutely agree. Absolutely. I often think about how I had to be the strong one, and not just stronger as in developing as a child and learning myself – growing and maturing. , I know, actually, that part was actually skipped over. I went from being a child to having to be strong for her, but in there lost the ability to self trust or know what I need – for me. What does CC need?

It’s interesting have a child like my mother was and how weak. Yet she would shoot me down but even the slightest show of being human. Like the example we go back to being distressed in medical school. Here’s the thing about that example, I was not just stressed, I was having a full on breakdown, feeling that I was having some sort of major psychiatric issue on able to deal with all of the things – what things – boy trouble.  How interesting right? That incident revolve around my distress over boy issues. I wasn’t sitting there saying I feel so overwhelmed I’m sick and tired of doing it all. Of course not all of this understanding with so absent at the time.

So yes, I am put over the edge one time a month. And that is because I am human. Does it suck? Yes, but I am working on it and most of all I am aware. What else can we do?

I’ll go back, let’s say my mother was here she would, and, oh this kind of stuff never happened to me. Your generation is always complaining. I would believe it. Entirely for getting her entire life of distress and acting like she was below the age of two. Nope, and totally overlooked.

I remember I was trying to get into a difficult field in medical school, I feel that only would take the top 1% of students. It didn’t work out for me for a few different reasons, which ended up being for the best right now.  But that’s not the point of the story. The point of the story is that, when it didn’t work out for me my mothers first response was, well look at A. She got in, she’s not nearly as smart as you, but you know what she has? Focused. That’s the issue with you you are so incredibly smart, but you just won’t have that focus that’s why she got it in. And I believed it. And in many ways it was true of course. This girl spent all of her time studying and getting the grades and credentials to get into that field. What did I do?

well I didn’t know then. – but what did I do?  I ran around like a maniac, the super person that my mother forced me to become – myself unknowingly. She then was quickly was able to throw down, oh look at you stupid girl running around this weekend that, you don’t have focus,  you won’t find success like people who do.