Dear Cali Chica:

This is worth typing here, repeating: “Last night and this morning I was able to dream, to imagine, to believe something different. It felt like a teenager immersed in the music and able to zone out and day dream. Oh what a wonderful feeling- I didn’t know if I had it in me… why this happened..? My mind was not occupied by the lives of others. It was occupied by my life. It felt new- different. It felt calming and freeing”- I wish you can remember this feeling, this experience every day, place this for safekeeping in a place in your brain to remember with a smile every morning.

I think of it as the-calling-of-the-wild emotional experience , that which precedes going out into the world and exploring, that wagging-of-the-tail, the desire and expectation of good things ahead of us.

To what I was going to type to you before I read about your experience above: earlier you wrote: “Unwise. What a term… I have used words such as foolish, stupid, silly, dumb… I think of the way I have been trained to act- it is unwise. I think of my expectations of myself- they are unwise. Lastly, I think of my often negative treatment of my husband- very unwise”.

Here are my thoughts this morning: Cali Chica is the girl of last night and this morning, waking up with the calling of the wild energy, eager to explore, engaged in her life, in her person, not thinking about others. Super Cali Chica is a role that needs to end. It has a birth day somewhere back in history, and it needs to be buried, have an ending day.

Let’s think of this present problem in your life: your husband works in a very stressful environment that is very unhealthy for him. What to do? Now, I will imagine what SCC is doing to solve the problem:

SCC, who has no business experience, figures she’ll will start a business in nyc so that it provides income that will make it unnecessary for husband to work where he works. She is also researching perhaps a job for him  elsewhere in the country (“The other, more innate part says- no! I wont settle until I find something for him!!!”, yesterday). As she does these things, when her husband is home, she either rushes him to go out and about, to socialize, even though he is tired, or she complains to him about her job and her stress and what this person said to her and how rude and so on and on and on. Sometimes she screams at him and blame him for whatever he is  not responsible for.

That is SCC, Super Cali Chica, synonymous with Silly Cali Chica and perhaps… may I say so (you brought these adjectives, above), Stupid Cali Chica, all fitting the acronym SCC. And why Silly or Stupid? Because he told you that what bothers him most is the negative energy you bring home, the instability of your mood, so if you want to help him, change your behavior with him and the atmosphere at home, just like you did that Friday evening. Do it on a regular basis, provide him a safe, calm home.

But to invest time in starting a business in nyc is foolish because it is not close to making money, and will require investing money for a long time before it possibly make enough money. This will only increase his need to stay in his current job, not to mention your stress level being up dealing with a very beginning business without any experience.

I am looking forward to say goodbye to SCC, I am ready for that experience.

anita