Dear anita,

the rack thing is not the end of the world I guess. Maybe it’s o.K. not to say anything.

Well yes, I am worrying way too much. the last week was very calm and I stuck to my plans or was productive almost everyday. At work I did pretty o.K., even though my Co- worker was on vacation. And I did small things everyday after work.

Today I even went to the sea and did all the things I planned. In the message in the bottle I just wrote about what I was thankful for and some of my goals. And I made some drawings. I had wanted to do this for years! But I was always too perfectionist about it.

These days I am feeling better about myself and much calmer. But I am also quite lonely. I don’t have as much contact with my best friend since she has met her new boyfriend. But she also has troubles at home. Her mother wanted her to do something, which she didn’t want. But she pressured her a lot about it, one day asking her three times and even when she was already in bed, wanting to sleep. I got angry at the mother and said best to not engage in the topic anymore and just say no when it comes up. And I also asked if she could stay at another place, until everything calmed down.

Best not to give advice to people, I think now. Better to only listen and let them talk and find their own solution. I worry now, that my advice was not good. Haven’t heard from her since that day and I am worried. I sent her two messages and tried to call her twice, but no response.

What was also weird is that her mother posted a call to donate for suicide prevention that day. But she also posted again yesterday, so she cant be in a too bad state?

Maybe my friend just is under a lot of stress and I should leave her alone and give her space.

Human relationships are very difficult for me. At least I am good at being alone, but it is also sad. So is this life for me? But lately I see couples everywhere and think of K. But then again, at least I feel much calmer and happier about myself when I am alone.

I guess I have a lot to learn.

But there are a lot of positive things happening this week and lately! Best to think about that and to work on my goals and occupy my time with work, studies, painting, exercise, reading, journaling, walks, time in nature… Then I will feel better about myself and become a better friend. Maybe even find new friends.

Hopefully you have a good week! Is there also such nice weather where you are? Here it was warm and sunny lately.