Haha I totally get the whole thing you said about being with your friends and feeling like a burden and thinking should I go now? Am I intruding? Am I wasting your time? I totally get that. It is like I can’t actually think they would enjoy to see me as a person. I also know I take it personally when they don’t reply to messages for a few days or don’t tell me about Thier lives so much. Like in person it is good but I get anxious if they don’t message. I won’t message them about it or even mention it (unless I think something is really wrong) but it is also at the back of my mind. I think I need to relax more. People have said that to me alot.

I also understand what you mean about acting crazy and just getting emotional. I think it is hard when feelings are so strong I guess in your case you can see how she could live her life and how she could face her fear and how her life may actually be improved for it, but she is still scared and hangs back and doesn’t really know why she does things or why she feels like she does or lashes out in that way. She sounds very much like me in that way. Drawn back to someone but not quite learning the lesson but knowing there is something important there to learn. Very frustrating. It is like adding 2 +2 and getting 6 each time. It must be frustrating for you when she does that on social media in terms of trying to get your attention but then backing away again. I agree that therapy may help and at least she is taking the steps to actually face things 1:1 with a therapist and talk about all this stuff. Apart from you she may not have done that before if you were one of the only people she actually opens up too. Has she been with her partner long?

I think you sound so mature about it all. Like knowing you miss her but also seeing it from a very rational angle about her issues and giving her space in therapy to see what she does. It sounds like she has alot of work ahead but it is good you have been honest about how you feel to her. How long did all this go on before you cut ties or she started to get distant? I imagine she will come back at some point to thankyou for what you have shown her. I wrote a letter to the person I loved thanking him for showing me certain things and teaching me things (I didnt send it) but I also told him at the time what I had learned from him.

I just hate feeling so stupid and alot of the time around him I felt so so emotionally young. How did you get to be so wise and mature and kind of ‘at peace’ with how you feel? I felt conflicted and guilty and ashamed and torn and in love all at the same time and I could not, for love nor money, see the wood from the trees. He begged me to. I left and moved out and tried to. But my whole head felt like a fog and I went from numb to crying and back. There seemed so many factors and I could not sort out which u should follow- my heart, my gut, my head, society, family ties, morals etc etc it all kind of swirled round and round and I was exhausted. They say follow your feelings and personal happiness is most important but I somehow could not do what my feelings said. They also changed too. Very confusing. I think you are so patient and mature sort of stepping back from the situation and you speak so kindly of her in therapy- true love.