Dear Anita,

I don’t drink coffee daily, as I tend to get headaches easily, and withdrawal headaches if I am on it daily.

Wow, you are a strong coffee drinker!

I won’t likely drink strong coffee before cleaning, I am SO sensitive to caffeine.  I used to drink caffeine daily throughout medical school and residency – but still very sensitive.  So perhaps a nice Early Grey tea before cleaning to give me a boost.

Sometimes caffeine can make me very jittery and tense, emulating that activation/excitation that as we know is distressing.

I thought a lot about our exchange from yesterday, great topic that was brought up.  Emotional regulation.

I thought a lot about moments where I was unable to emotionally regulate.  Often looking back and thinking that the person triggering me was so severe that I could not let the concept go.  But now realizing that regardless, it is my own capability to regulate to the next neutral.  It is a must – not to say it is easy.

To be able to dim the switch back down reduces distress, and creates a neutral peaceful environment.  I have an even greater appreciation for that now after what we spoke about.

I also think about the concept of not allowing distress to boil over.  Containing it.  If someone was irritating at work, allowing it to brush off before say heading onto the subway.  If someone was irritating on the subway, allowing it to brush off before heading into the house — etc.

How important these concepts are for controlling my OWN distress, not to mention not project onto my husband.

I didn’t realize – as I have mentioned before- that I actually had CONTROL over these things.  I grew up believing that if i felt a certain way, that’s just how it was.  I hear the mother voice saying: “well of course I feel this way, look what happened!!!” roaring with agony and entitlement.

So that’s how it went — Now, not to say that I haven’t been extremely resilient in my life.  But the rumination and inability to contain distress is quite a new thing for me. edit: as in the ability to control rumination and ability to have contain

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Cali Chica.