Dear Gaia:

Today, Sept 30, 2019 is the first day that you live away from home (Mon-Fri)?

May this be the first day in your New Life!

My comment regarding your new situation:

You are inclined to think that you are abnormal your peers are normal, that it is hard for you to interact with others but your peers do so effortlessly.

This causes a separation in your mind, you vs peers. This is how I too viewed my life your age: myself vs peers. I found out later in life that it only appeared that they were normal and lived life effortlessly: we are so busy criticizing ourselves and worrying that others are criticizing us, that we don’t notice that others are also busy criticizing themselves and worrying that others (you included) are criticizing them.

You are not an abnormality walking  around among the normal, your life being so difficult while others live effortlessly. Many are pretending to be confident, many are hiding their anxiety best they can. You are not alone there, being one of your kind.

When you find yourself stuck in your head, feeling dizzy maybe, disassociated- pay attention to your body, move your focus from your over-thinking or exhausted, hazy brain to your body. If you are walking pay attention to each foot as it hits the ground, pay attention to the feel of a book in your hands, the color of a tree you are approaching on your walk, the sounds around you- shift your focus to one of your five senses. This will give your brain a rest.

Do not pretend anything, keep minimal social interactions going: please, and thank you, asking for what you need, basic stuff. Don’t try to act like any persona you ever tried to be. Take it easy today. Remember: your peers are focused on themselves, not on you.

Regarding the rest of your post yesterday, I will reply to it when you are ready, let me know.

anita