Dear Anita,

It is perfect timing!!!  My sister was saying today how she misses Tiny Buddha and will go back on to speak to you (of course in private) if you think that is okay.  We will discuss any stories or relavence to each other in our own posts what we deem is appropriate, but not read each others.  I look forward to the two of you chatting again when that happens, she knows how much you mean to me – and very much respects you as well.

The way you described the girl, C, getting scared is news to me.  Why? I did not look at her with empathy, neither did my sister.  We are primed to be hostile.  We are primed to watch for these moments, and say ROAR see!!

Like you so beautifully wrote, C likely got scared. She is only human after all.

Look how I Roar at my husband, am I a bad person? I think not.  So why allow myself these indiscretions, but not others.  So critical of others – but what about my own self?

Sound familiar?

My mother screamed and roared at others day in and day out, if not directly to others – reflecting this onto me.  Yet, never had one ounce of regret over this or guilt.  Yes, she is a “special” person.

Do you remember a long time ago I asked you if I was a narcissist, or perhaps someone incapable of love like my mother?

I remember thinking this because I started to understand that I didn’t have much remorse or guilt that was palpable, in the way I treated my husband.  It reminded me of how my mother would bad mouth everyone, but have no ownership of her own bad behavior.  I thought, maybe I am like this too.

I see now that this was a simplistic way to look at this.  In fact it is much deeper.

What you said above about my behavior towards my husband is perfectly stated today at this moment, great timing.  This below is something I will try to highlight in my brain from now on:

But as we look at our own behaviors, we can have some empathy regarding other people who like  us, sometimes fail to do  what is right. That way, looking at ourselves when we judge others, makes us see reality more accurately. That is, other people are not the bad, cold hearted people Mother said they are.