Sorry I am responding to your post pretty late & keep reading parts & remembering I left out part of my reply.

Things piqued in communication around my birthday with my TF. Except I was incredibly angry because I blamed them for ruining my birthday. I know that’s harsh. We talked & they didnt even say Happy Bday, never did. Even when I reminded them. And I was upset that day because we were supposed to meet in person & I was excited & they canceled last minute & lied about why they canceled. We somehow managed to communicate there was feelings & attraction & it was intense. But it didn’t need to be so hectic. I get I can be emotional. But they general have been doing things that would drive anyone crazy & the more I relieve myself of the blame for their bad behavior, the better I feel physically & spiritually… which just means like .. yea, I may have work to do, but I’m a descent person deserving of good love. And they lost out on that, whether conscious choice  or becoming slave to their bad habits/addictions whatever. It be nice if they were to make some heroic turnaround to do better for the person they loved or something.. but life isnt a fairytale. its more like a school with infinite possibilities depending on our options.