I know you said I must go on and I do. But some days are so lonely and so much harder. Work is busy and it’s a new kind of job in my industry but they want me in the job and I’m doing it. It’s the only job I got after 11 months of being unemployed and it involves travel that I don’t like but I have no choice. Mum is having her teeth removed to put in false teeth at 70 and she is doing it alone. I feel very guilty that I am not there. What am I doing here? Going to work and earning money and being alone. I could just as well be in India and atleast look after her. I feel very alone but I know that so many people are. I have put my profile on a dating site but there are some useless people and I don’t want to be with just about anyone who’ll take advantage of a vulnerable woman. I have a few health issues but I don’t want to go to the doctor. I want to see if I can heal. It feels like inflammation in my body and stress. I would hate India and I have no life, no value there. But it’s where my mum lives. Isn’t it my duty to look after her? Why am I here? All alone and earning money for nothing. I feel I’ve been at the crossroads for a long time. My mom had 2 children and a husband at my age and didn’t think as much. But I feel guilty. She also relies on me to talk to her everyday which I do. I don’t know how to take my life forward. I am trying. And staying positive but I don’t know what to do… my heart breaks and I cry a lot…