I see your points.  It’s just very hard.  As far as them bumping into each other.  That wouldn’t happen, we are in different towns far apart.  There is only one or two reasons I could think of.  1.  My ex was curious about me and my life and reached out to her because she couldn’t reach me.  or 2.  my best friends wife contacted her to find out for herself why she did this to me.  I really do not see any other reason why either person would have contacted each other.

It’s still possible. I’ve bumped into people I know in other STATES, thousands of miles from where we both live, where we were both vacationing in the same place at the same time and didn’t know it until we saw each other. lol. They could’ve both been eating at the same restaurant in another town or at a mall or who even knows. But it’s absolutely possible that they could’ve bumped into each other.  But yes, the other reasons are possible, too, especially if your friend’s wife decided she wanted answers from your ex and confronted her. I understand how difficult this is, but try not to overthink and wonder about possibilities too much because there is no way to truly know unless you ask, and if it’s bothering that much, I’d just ask your friend’s wife “hey, I noticed you guys are friends on Facebook now. How did that happen?” or something like that. Let it just be an innocent question due to curiosity… not a confrontation. The longer you wait to ask, though, the weirder it’s going to be… so the next time you see her make a comment on your friend’s stuff… I’d just ask her “hey… I noticed this comment… you guys are friends now? How did that happen?” etc. It’s really an innocent question, especially since you thought she hated her.

And yes, I know how timing of things can send you into a tale spin (I’ve been there) but like I’ve said before… sometimes this stuff is stepping stones toward learning whatever it is you need to know for your life to continue in the direction it needs to head. It’s happening the way it is and when it is because that is how it’s supposed to be. It’s best not to overthink the why’s and just acknowledge what it is and the timing and let that be it. Sometimes I like to write that stuff down though, when it feels like a sign or the timing is weird, just to refer back to later if I need to. Writing it down allows me to get it out of my head so I can let it go for the time being and move forward without dwelling on it.

All this being said, i think (i could be way off) that my ex, couldn’t handle the idea of me with another woman.  She hated her from the start, even though she was in bed with her man well before I even met her and she didn’t even know her.  I think that my ex did do something(cheated on me somehow-phycially or emotionally) and could never admit it and she always felt guilt for that.  She showed many signs of it when we were at the end of our relationship.

Yeah, honestly, from what you’ve said, your ex seems really quite immature and has a lot of growth to do, especially with the way she keeps coming in and out of your life, and especially if you think she’s mainly only talking to you when she’s lonely or possibly it could be a feed to her ego, knowing she still has you on a string, even when you were with someone else. That’s not a good quality for a life partner at all. I hope you’re able to use this time to yourself to build yourself to the point where you know you deserve better than that and you’ll attract someone who will give you better and TRULY be the right match for you.