Thank you Anita. I agree – they are my issues. I don’t see myself as worthy of anyone and I try to keep them happy. Though they don’t treat me well. It’s always been that way. Even in my first marriage – I was always the one who bent over backwards to treat men and their families well. They never did anything to make me feel nice.

Its probably cos I was always told I am chubby and not fair and in India, that was considered not very good looking. When my first husband wanted to marry me – it was an arranged marriage – my mum said – someone wants to marry us. It’s better than being alone and I was 25. I have always been grateful for the attention I get cos I am not pretty like other women who are skinny and beautiful. I am attractive, intelligent, smart and kind. But beauty is something I don’t have. Perhaps that is the root of all my people pleasing. I am a UK size 12 which isn’t huge but I am overweight for my height. I have promised myself that I will look better in 2020. I want to lose weight and look my best at 45. Better late than never I guess.

I may never feel pretty but I am a decent person and perhaps that’s why I try to overcompensate. I must stop. I know I must.