Dear Anita,

I read your entire post, and read it to my husband.  (I had a gap between patients and he was driving home).

You hit the nail on the head:

In figuring out the reasonable choice, you have to compute not only objective pros and cons but also the mental state of the individuals concerned.

I think what he is saying is that he is too tired, too old to “ramp up”, which is what the SD prospect requires.

You are absolutely correct.  An “old” worn out soul – the last thing it needs/wants to do is “hit the ground running.” even if it is in their heart of hearts to “want” this – they simply can not.

To choose peace, in this scenario, is to choose stability – not risk.  To choose comfort versus ramp-up.  To choose family (less uneasiness about moving away from his parents).

I am going to think all of this through.

Most importantly – you know me so well.  I have the tendency to interrupt and interject often, especially when I am stressed or impassioned about a topic.  You know, the last time we had this in depth conversation with his parents at their home, explaining the differences between the SD and newport job (that we weren’t going for) was the day before Thanksgiving.  We also spoke about the move in general. My sister was there as was her dog.  2 dogs running around their house creating ruckus.  My sister is not an outside person per se, but it wasn’t the right environment to sit down and talk candidly, nor did my husband feel relaxed given the frenzied dogs and noise.  (i think he felt happy my sister was there, but deep down annoyed that once again she’s around during an important stressful time – if that makes sense, unable for him to just focus on him).

This time around there will be none of that – when we go speak with them, today or tomorrow etc – it will be just us.

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by Cali Chica.