Dear Anita,

Thank you for your input.  I will make my comments.

Sometimes you think she is clueless or tactless, not seeing that anger motivated her to say or do this or that.

yes, in fact the other day I asked her about a date her friend went on.  I asked because her friend had told me about it.  My sister’s response was reserved and strange.  I realize later that she likely is slightly jealous her friend went on a date and she hasn’t in a while.  She seems to be very uptight about the concept of dating and not being able to find dates etc.  (makes sense) but she also pretends she doesn’t care and is hasty on the apps (a defense mechanism).  I see how anger and frustration motivates all of it.

Got to limit the relationship thoughtfully

And to your last comment, yes.

I want to add one more thing, she has noticed me be quite frenzied with my husband when with her.  (remember I used to tell you about this).  And I have noticed that her presence agitates me.  Even if she is doing nothing.  In fact when she is around I still have trouble not “performing.” I know that is something I have to work on – but I think at this point it is NOT.

Because right now I don’t want to work on anything.  I simply don’t.  If for some reason it feels like her energy is strange or aggravating, so be it.  I have to accept it.  My husband states I have done much better since about a year ago – when around her.  At first it was really bad, almost feeling like I did with my mother, feeling like I have to be an entertaining person of sorts, a clown or funny person, or find ways to keep her occupied.  I know this is my doing.  But it comes from deep ingrained patterns. I notice that I am “much better overall” I know this because I feel this, the way I have dealt with situations (such as for example the cousin being there at Thanksgiving) – but I notice that I tend to be more frenzied around my sister more often than not.

Good to keep in mind, for now, and for a very long time from now.

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by Cali Chica.