Dear Anita,

Great imagery – and the analogy to a puppy really works for me (especially since I am a dog person it really pertains here!).

Here’s the thing Anita.  I have in the past given her direct feedback when being bitten.  Such as coming back from a 6 hour flight with the flu and being burdened with something.

Her response: defensiveness and also throwing it back at me.  Let me elaborate for our conversation’s sake.

I told her: “i literally just got back from all of this and open up these messages!”

Her approach was like this: reminding me many times I have done exactly the same – and that for the majority of time I was NC and she was not, she suffered plenty hiding things from me, therefore she shouldn’t be blamed as she has done a great job of protecting me.  And god forbid she slips once in a while – jeez!!!!

so then me: I am thinking wow, she is not getting what we are talking about in this EXACT moment.  Sounds just like my mother, finding a way to relate it to something in the past, not taking ownership to what is going on right now exactly.  Also like my mother to remind you of all the good work she’s done, and that she is only human and is allowed slip ups once in a while – jeez!!!

so then her response was to get more angry and defensive and say: “i can’t do this right now” and hangs up the phone.

of course this is not an appropriate way to approach a situations – I call her back and say – listen, we are going on a trip together early tomorrow morning, this is destined to come up, I would like to speak about this and settle it right now if you are okay with that.  Let me tell you why I was irritated at learning all this information at this very moment, and then you can tell me your side.

So that’s how it went.  And of course we went on our trip and enjoyed each other – delightful puppy.  It wasnt fake. No not at all. It was real – it’s just that like you said the puppy can bite unpreditably.  And unfortunately my husband and I both don’t have much tolerance or neurons left for  bites (not that anyone should) but you know what I mean…

I have more to say but I will send this first and wait for your reply…