Dear Anita,

Correct.  In a way I understand her point – about not adding to her suffering, as:

So what she is telling you is that life is tough ( agree), that people bite (I agree),that she protected you in the past from other people’s bites (that’s admirable), and that she is only human and therefore she has to bite you once in a while and you should take it.

Because it is true that I, too, have bitten her many times and she has had to take it.  Perhaps that is the nature of relationships especially family ones.  Perhaps my boundary must be simply knowing she is an unpredictable biter and that I must be careful.

Maybe it is simple – know that bites may come from time to time – and know direct communication to her about it won’t be so fruitful.  Thus, be direct from the beginning of what my needs are – and put that d*** guilt aside.

This seems to simplistic though…?