Dear Anita, today the awareness my of my craziness hit me more violently than usual. Another year is closing and I feel shitty always feeling crazy and like nothing is changing, I feel like I deserve some serious professional therapy + meds because my brain is just fried and it’s like I like it. I get morbid unspeakable thoughts and feelings that sometimes give me nauseating anxiety and others times I like, sometimes it’s both feelings,when I fall asleep I get vivid scenarios and images or I feel my face and consciousness split in multiple faces and voices, or get hit with other morbid content. Nights like these when my brain is too excited to simply fall asleep or relax I imagine myself having some epic breakdown or cry and imaginating myself in such vivid scenarios I literally cry in reality too then I lose the point of it all. . I say myself I’m done with this dude I like but then I imagine myself having a breakdown and he acknowledging it and tending to me, me vehemently arguing with him and then I start to have an epic cry like I do in this fantasy. It happened more than once, sometimes I imagine myself battling with some serious mental illness and looking/behave crazily and get acknowledged by someone. My brain never stops, sometimes I remember fake things or deja Vu, sometimes the stuff revealing myself as I fall asleep that are also about me getting crazy or splitting or even there acknowledging I have nonsensical thoughts are so vivid it blurs with reality. It’s like my brain is high or drunk all the time, how this madness stops