hi Annita,

thank you for writing these above, means a lot to me hence a second thoughts always help me to proceed and exceed my problems.

I would like to share with you that 2019 was a year of risks. I will explain that more.

First of all I found a new job in a different city of the one I stayed now. my salary earnings is not too high but I am feeling good that I am independently person and I manage to make savings something that I have never do before in previous jobs. except of that during the psychological session I tried to exceed my fear and move to an appartment and I did it. in the meantime the friends I had they disappear because they met other friends from their jobs and I stayed alone. I was in a 12 months period alone, lets exclude the times at job, in my free time I was alone. and then I just started becoming crazy. I was bored to gym, to spend anyway all the time on my own. it is not that I am not have a good time with my self but I needed and a friend company. so in that point of my life I started going back to home and spend some time with my parents, aunties etc.

mid of June, I started learning swimming for first time and then starting sewing for first time too. I participated in an art festival on September, was very exhausted but I gave my self the chance to try and make something new. it was a great experience that I will manage to continue.

now regarding my parents relationship, I recognise the effect that my mother had on me and believe me until today, I am trying to set boundaries to her about my choices.

I noticed that even though I saying a lot of times the word married etc is because yes of my thoughts of being unsuccessful in that part. that yes I will make poor choices and yes to be again the girl who make all the things wrong. I want to think positive, that is nothing wrong with me but I recognise as well that I am not having a person near me to remind me those things. I am trying everyday to stop second thoughts of a girl that cannot find a man. and here I want to say that is nothing to do with confidence levels because I have confidence and I believe to my self. I just need a motivator, a person to remind me the simple things in life and the hope that everything will be alright.

hope these make sense.

elli