Dear Anita

First of all, how are you doing?

Yesterday night this guy I’m getting to know tried to make things more romantic (hugs, kisses) but I couldn’t just hide my repulsion. Not that I don’t enjoy his company I do, but definitely only in a friendly way. By the way I was judged. Here another guy who spits at me how something like this never happened to him with other girls, he made me feel very bad with myself like I was sad miserable moodkiller only waiting to go home. I shared this bitterness with a friend of mine but she felt to take his side saying it’s understandable that he felt sorry that I basically killed the romantic mood so abruptly. I didn’t get that she understood me, or that he did, me myself I don’t know why I react in certain ways or why I do the things I do. I had the reason to wake up early for studying, for getting home early yesterday but I slept very long on this bitterness actually. I feel sorry that shit went wrong with him, he tries to act like nothing happened but honestly I didn’t like the way he made me feel at last. In myself I also kinda wanted to give him a sexual/romantic chance but then my body just couldn’t reciprocate, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I also wanted to avoid talking about this with my other friend cause I know that she’s going to find it strange how I never seem like giving a serious go to dudes, she just seems not to grasp the concept of not liking something enough to like his hugs or kisses and apparently, neither do him. He tried to get reasons out of me, out of my “strange” behavior but to be honest I can’t understand myself so I couldn’t give him reasons neither.