Dear Gaia:

Not anymore and what a relief that is! Sometimes still I feel the beginning of it, of blaming myself, I feel the beginning of thoughts that put me down, making fun of me.. I feel it like when you hear a vehicle approaching from a distance. I hear it approaching but then I don’t hear it anymore, it sort of disappears. Lots of practice leading to this.

I hated myself so much, in the past, that I didn’t feel that I cared whether I lived or died.  My guilt at .. sort of exposing other people to the loathsome-me was intense, it burdened me so much that I was constantly heavy, burdened, like stuck in deep mud and not being able to move.

(Except when I was daydreaming, then I was able to fly in the air, like a bird).

anita