@Tartaruga, Thanks! I think is helpful when I hear from other people struggling with something similar. Thanks!

@Anita, I did actually re-read my previous post. Our relationship has evolved so much that it’s just in a different place right now. At the time, his depression wasn’t letting him commit, now I understand a lot of that. Now that we are in a committed relationship I have realized his depression always finds the way in, if it’s not one thing is the next one and the next one. I have heard from people that sometimes depression is the third person in the relationship, sometimes that’s how it feels and at least now, we talk openly about it and we both acknowledge this exists. I think that what I am dealing right now is the same but different, because I do want to help, but I want to help doing the right thing, and this can get so frustrating that sometimes I get exhausted and I just want to know how to be here for me, for him and for our relationship. After reading my previous post I realized the depression was there as well, just that I wasn’t that aware of it as I am now.

@Simona Adina Thank you!  I want to thank you for your story and for opening up. As I read what you wrote, is almost like listening to my bf talk to me, so I know that he is not alone in what he experiences. You are right, sometimes he doesn’t understand why I am with him and he keeps asking me, I just tell him that he is the most wonderful person I know, because is true. He is usually very thankful, but sometimes he goes back at saying “you deserve better than this”

I know I cannot understand what he is going through and sometimes we talk about that, I can’t help to sometimes feel frustrated and say things like ” but look how well are you doing” or “everything will be alright”, I have a hard time sitting there just listening to his pain and not being able to do anything, it breaks my heart. I have tho, lately, since I read about about helping a loved one with depression, I sit there and just listen and tell him is okay and that I am there for him and that he can tell me anything and listen without judgement. I call it our “judgment free space” and he feels more encouraged to speak. But sometimes I feel that not being understood frustrates him as well. He has even wondered if he should date someone who comes also from a broken family (only when he is depressed). He journals and of course is his private thing so I don’t know what he writes about, but he tells me it helps him. Thanks for all your advise, since he has been in therapy and reading books he usually keeps himself busy and goes to the gym and plays his music. all of that makes him feel better, but the internal dialogue stays the same, I wish he could learn how to be more kind with himself. The depression has been here for around 20 years already and he feels like is not getting any better. However,  I have known him for 3 years and for the last year and a half I have since a huge improvement in his life. Thanks again, I am going to continue listening to him and being present.