Dear Sofioula:

I am glad to read that you are indeed working and that it gives you some peace of mind. And I am pleased to read that regarding therapy, what you wrote here: “I can support therapy multiple times per week, so I will go with your suggestion”!

You are welcome. And you are being “of help here on the forum”- you are helping me understand life better, and are helping other people as well, people who are reading your words but you don’t know that they are or who they are, but they are learning from your experience as well. Do continue to  post here or start a new thread, as you wish. I want to read more and more from you!

“Everyday I wake up in the middle of the night in sheer panic, sweating and then it hits me- he’s gone for good… Other times I just cry it out, because I blank out and totally ignore my surroundings, thinking I’m alone“- it is not about this man whom you spent so little time with (and should have spent none), this is an activation of your childhood experience, you were that afraid then of being alone.

You feared being alone because you were alone. Emotionally, you were alone, and emotionally-alone happens to be just as scary as being physically alone.

I am trying to understand what you wrote about the two Sophies- do you mean that the Submissive/Weak Sophie (the “pleaser/ agreeable/ all accepting/ no demands/ no standards/ beggar” Sophie) is an act, and the real Sophie is Strong and you do indeed trust the Strong Sophie, you feel her strength?

anita