Dear Anita

Today it hit me again how much of my youth I’ve wasted and keep wasting, it doesn’t help that Valentine’s day is in a few days and I’ll spend it without a significant other like I did since forever. I know it’s a silly capitalist holiday but it really succeds in making you feel shitty. Sometimes I feel like one of my closest friends pities me somehow, she has quite a mysoginist view I can barely stand and sometimes I feel like me being single and unexperienced is shameful. She’s obsessed with looking like a good girl and along with her mother, is always calling other women sluts and whores. They have a pretty much degradating view of women like they still believe in virginity checks and stuff like that. I honestly believe her mother is abusive and brainwashed her all life in believing that her only purpose is to commit to someone else and be a good girl. I’m sorry for it, my friend is a good person, I only wish I could make her understand there’s other in life besides not looking like a whore or being a good girl.

By the way, sometimes I feel like by trying to change my mindset and feelings is a waste time, sometimes I even think I should kill myself because my life is a wasted life and will always be wasted. I feel in cage, and since I feel frustration increasing in me and have no one else to say these things beside on this thread, I started throwing things (only clothes, don’t worry) around my room to express myself somehow