Anita,

Thank you for your reply I paid close attention to what you said about emotional regulation. It is exactly what i needed to do, tolerate the discomfort and resist the urge to engage in my childlike coping strategies. Thank you for your reflection. I find it difficult to see myself sometimes, had someone come to me with this same issue it would have been easy for me to identify. This does scare me sometimes as well, the fact that I am an adult yet my inner child is so noisy and still requires very much attention.

I would like your input on another topic as well, accepting other peoples past. I’m very into this woman i’m seeing and she is kind, thoughtful, intelligent, independent, and empathetic. She told me about her past though and that’s when I became afraid and wanted to run. When she was a teenager she became pregnant and didn’t know who the father was. She regretfully got an abortion and never told anyone. after that she said she didn’t have sex or any relationship of any kind for 3 years. Then she was in a relationship for a 1 year and ended it. I run into this problem often with myself, I find myself judging her for her mistakes. I hate that i do this. I don’t do this with my clients either, i try to keep an unconditional positive regard towards them, but women i want to be intimate with i find myself judging them for their past even if they are more self-aware and a completely different person now. It makes me feel hypocritical

Also, I wanted your input on another topic as well. I went to my sisters yesterday to some work on my car. While i was talking to my sister my mom continually interrupts so i just ignore her and keep talking to my sister. I was talking with my brother in law and my mom comes out of nowhere and interrupts yet again, i sighed and rolled my eyes. My mom went off and screamed “you’re always so F***ing disrespectful!” i asked if she wanted to talk about it and she just went upstairs to her room and stayed there the rest of the day.

This morning she texts me this “I’m not sure why you continue to have an issue with me, but i think we are old enough to have a conversation about it. I will not continue to be made to feel as if I have to walk on eggshells around you. You act as if i inconvenience you by being emotional about the last 2 1/2 years, trust that you know a snippet of what has gone on. If it’s not about you then we all know it’s not your concern. So please stop being so disrespectful towards me, i don’t deserve that from my child. I have decided not to take treatment from anyone that i do not deserve and i know deserve the type of treatment you constantly give me”….

I replied “Good for you”

she replies “I dont have time to convince you that i’m worthy of your respect. so I have my non answer”

I replied “if you actually care you wouldn’t be passive aggressive in the message you sent me telling me ‘if its not about you we all know you don’t care’ continuing to try to make me feel sorry for you ‘trust you know a snippet of what has gone on’ Good! i don’t want to know everything that goes on with you it drains me, take care of yourself please”

She replies “if you have such disdain for me then why would you accept anything from me?” (referring to the money she gave me when she divorced)

I replied “let’s just not talk to eachother anymore please” and then i blocked her on my phone.

Sorry for the length of this post i cannot express my gratitude enough for all the help you continue to provide me. I feel I’m at that point with her that you have encouraged many many times. No contact whatsoever. I was offended many times in this communication 1. she says we should be old enough to have a conversation but she declined my request to talk in the moment. Childish. 2. She says i don’t care about anyone but myself but i helped her with SO much since she’s been divorced moving shit, working on her car, consoling her. Childish. 3. It’s still about her because i don’t know everything that goes on with her. That’s my greatest wish honestly i was tired of her shit so i set a boundary and i felt much better but to her this means i’m letting her down. Childish. 4. She says she doesn’t deserve disrespect from her own child, implying she deserves uncondtional respect no matter how disrespectful she has been to me because i am HER child. Childish. 5. when she asks why do i continue to accept anything from her, well because she stole my tax return money when i was in college and didn’t tell me until years later. Not to mention the emotional damages. a few thousand dollars barely made up for the money she took.

Overall i’m disgusted i was working out in the gym this morning when i got these messages and it just pissed me off even more because it saps my energy. I guess i’d like an outside perspective (validation) on this matter but i refuse to believe what i’m feeling is somehow invalid. She acts as if i’m somehow at a loss for not communicating with her, but i’m the one who loses every time by engaging with her, so i’m done. This does make things even more difficult for me to see my sister, but i guess she will just have to come and see me now.