Lately I’m not really hiding in fantasy, actually. I know one of my biggest issues is the fact that I zone out, I numb out and live in my little mind, I’ve tried to be more present and be aware of when I slip into numbing habits. I’ve noticed when difficult feelings arise and I’ve let them be, I’ve let boredom, anger, frustration express themselves without trying to distract myself. What I’ve gathered is that an entire life (and childhood especially) spent on electronic devices or neglected at doing my own thing without be helped aquiring usefully skills and social skills/experiences has left my brain really disorientated and confused, it has left me without a formed identity and sense of self.

My parents were both distant somehow and this left me neglected, or too self sufficient, I guess I experienced them both abandoning and intrusive (my mom in this case, as we’ve explained plenty)