Dear Anita

The first time I received a binder from my college friend at community college, they yelled at me and said that I was wasting my time with a chest binder. They said that dressing as a guy and wearing a chest binder didn’t qualify me as masculine and I was just going through a phase. They threw my first chest binder out and tried to make me wear sports bras saying they were the same thing. It made me feel really sad and I talked with the friend who gave me the binder because I felt sad about it and she was supportive about it and got me another chest binder which I hid from my parents. I mostly keep my therapy appointment notes and transgender resources in my backpack which I carry around with me to keep it safe. I recently had a transgender flag (pink, white and blue) that I used as a bookmark for a book and they threw it out. They still don’t understand chest binders currently but they have been helping me wash them when I am busy with school work. After I had an intense argument with them, they decided to just ignore it and treat it as an article of clothing. I don’t think that they want to acknowledge that it is a chest binder or that I got it from my LGBTQ friends, they just act like its a piece of clothing. Sometimes after washing it, they will put it deep down in a drawer and I think that they want me to forget about it but I don’t so I go looking for it. Having the chest binder on makes me feel a bit better rather than not having one on. I don’t think that they are very accepting of my gender identity or the issue of me dealing with mental health. When I was anorexic due to trying to control how my body looked like I reached the point where my hands were purple and stiff and I was constantly wanting to workout and skip meals and they didn’t really do much. They yelled at me saying that I was being irresponsible and causing this on myself that if I could just focus on the good things or had more things to do than my mind wouldn’t be that way.