Dear Anita,

I’m not really worried about homeless or something like that. Because I’ve been through those all when my Father passed away.. so that’s why, when that thing u called dark mode in my heart came up, it’s feels really hurt and make me don’t wanna live.

i know in this world, there are so much another beautiful things.. but I don’t know why i still always look at him and all of my thought just for him. I think he is the number one of my priority. Actually he said i also the number one for him. But why sometimes my heart feels I’m not always the number one of his priority…

for this several days, when I didn’t post here, i tried to focus on another thing and busy on my task(at workplace).. but yesterday, when he told me that he has reunion with his friends, and he didn’t ask me to accompany him. I ask, “normally u ask me to accompany u.. why this time u did different..?” He said because there are only men. And he mentioned her name, that she didn’t get invite.
The time i hear he mentioned her name, i flashback again and remember all of his chat for her.. i just thought.. “whatever i tried to tell him that I jealous, etc.. the fact, he still can chat her.. even he said from that time he stop, but my pain still here.. still can’t forget..”

this all of my thought.. i know it looks like I’m selfish,etc.. but i write here because i want to change my thought.. rewire everything. Healing my pain..

Thank you Anita..