Hey all,

Sorry for the radio silence – for some reason I’m no longer getting notified when this thread gets updated – eventually I figured it had been so quiet I’d take a look anyway and found all the latest! Hopefully it’ll start updating me again going forwards but if not I’ll try to remember to look in.

So, on my part, made it to Phu Quoc in Vietnam for the last stint of our trip. It’s been amazing, often challenging but always rewarding. Not had too many issues with C-virus, only one flight change so far and lots of face masks. They’re dealing with it pretty well over here tbh, sounds like quie a different story back in the UK – not really looking forwards to returning!! @Shelby – we ended up liking KL way more than we thought we would, not being city people and all, it’s very friendly for a big place and whilst I find the limitations on women hard to deal with in Malaysia in general, I enjoyed our 3 nights there, though I loved Georgetown way better. Vietnam is hard to describe – it’s both amazing and tough. If you go off the well-beaten track at all you really can’t be a sensitive type and have to accept the conditions/animal handling as part of their culture – as well as all the communist type influence that’s still strong in a lot of places. But it is so welcoming, great food, cheap, interesting it keeps me hooked for sure. Worth adding to your next trip but just be aware of what it is.

@Kkasxo – so good to hear from you!! It must be tough having a moving date for your family, I know how much support they provide for you. Does moving in with your sister mean giving up your flat with Mr A?  Like Shelby, I think you sometimes don’t give yourself enough credit as to how far you have come and what you have survived. I’m not an expert clearly but I think learning to live with PTSD must be similar to any other mental struggle – it’s about learning those coping mechanisms and recognising your triggers so you minimise it’s impact on you rather than thinking you can ‘cure’ it.

@Shelby.  I’d be agreeing with Adelaide on this one, until you go for the interview and actually get offered the job – no decision to be made.  It’s an interesting choice and one I’ve faced when I was still working.  I have found that the ego/society edge didn’t last long, unsurprisingly. So I’d try not to let that influence you too much. However, the choice of more money (some travel budget?!?) , your own place in a new city, new people and all the potential that comes with that – those are all great positives. Mostly, I think these decisions come down to understanding where you want to be in the 5, 10 years etc. If you want to be your own boss and the sales job is the only route to it, then it becomes simple. Etc.   Re the contact with your ex – yeah, I remember that well. The recognition in the way he communicated that he’d moved on, thought of me differently. Ouch, ouch, ouch – it was like going through the rejection all over again. But it did help with a big shove along the closure path, hopefully you will find that too.

@ Adelaide.  I love your contributions here – it’s always so nice to “meet” other people who are very self-aware. It’s a pain in the proverbial for sure at times and often seems easier to not be so!  I’m glad to read you figured out the temporary ego boost from the flirtatious contact wasn’t worth it. Sure, it’s nice to feel it but as you say, you have to know your self-worth isn’t dependent on other people liking you. And that’s extra hard when you’re a people pleaser, it’s just second-nature and takes a lot to break that chain of thought. Keep working on it, it does get easier each time you change the way you respond, instead of reacting. No harm in reaching out to your ex during this weird time but absolutely recognise your own boundaries and weak points. Like the airplane videos – you can’t help others until you have looked after yourself!

@Genie  I’m so glad the talk went well, Jay sounds like a guy who can express himself well and it’s brilliant the two of you can talk so easily. That’s a good sign for sure. You definitely have a lot of anxiety and confidence issues to work through. It’s fantastic that you dump out your panicky feelings here rather than off-loading on to him – that’s taking responsibility for them and not letting them make you react badly to what is simply a feeling – not a fact. Awesome.  Try to continue to trust in the relationship and the bond you guys have. When you feel yourself starting to either worry or withdraw because you are scared of getting hurt – remind yourself of what you have written here and face the fear. Nothing happens without taking a risk – all we can do is make sure the risks we take are ones we think are worth it. Jay sounds worth it.

Take care all – wish me luck in having any flights home in 10 days!