Hey all.

Yep – I’m back in the UK. An interesting last few days for sure. Many cancelled flights, border closures and mandatory quarantine centres meant it was a little tricky to say the least to find a way back but the research paid off as our flight was one of a handful that flew just fine. Some fun and games with Vietnam immigration too – they are much tighter than the UK where you’d hardly have known it was lockdown when we came back via Heathrow. But we’re all good and now tucked up in our home which we fortunately always have well stocked. Our friends & families are all doing ok, even the at risk ones. So all a bit surreal but ok. Luckier than most for sure.

@Genie. I’m so proud of ya! You know what the most awesome thing you wrote was – that you would have turned your ex down even without having Jay on the scene. That’s just so good to hear – that you finally value yourself enough and understand that relationship won’t ever give you what you want and deserve. Love it.

@ Adelaide. Same goes for you. It is amazing how a big event can help get clear perspective. I loved this that you wrote “I wish them both well, but want to put my energy into connections that are fulfilling and will be strengthened during this time, not connections that cause anxiety”. Exactly so. Our lives are shaped by our choices. If we choose to fill our lives with people who love and respect us – it’s a great life. If we choose to let people remain in our lives who do not, then you have no space to find those who will. It takes courage to let them go and trust that life without such people is better than life with them.

@Shelby. Congrats on surviving the meeting with the ex. It was always going to be tough. It’s a real slap in the face when they treat you like a friend and it’s clear they’ve moved on.  Understand entirely why you are cutting back – it is very very easy to get anxious if you constantly read about the doom/gloom headlines screaming in from every direction. Keep it at what you can manage with. As I believe I’ve said many time irritatingly, nothing in life is in our control, as much as we would like it to be. We can just point our lives in the direction we want, make choices in line with that and then trust it’ll work out. Try not to go stir-crazy in your bedroom…that’s a tough isolation.

@Kkasxo. Hang in there m’dear. I know you especially love to be in control so I understand this is freaking you out big time. Try your best to sit with it, accept the things you can’t change and do the best about those you can. Talk to your friends and family as often as you can and stay connected, it’ll help. And scream on here as often as you like obviously 😉

@ CB. I’m sorry to hear about your shock breakup. Losing someone after 27 years of life together is literally that – a huge huge shock. It’s not just the loss of the relationship but everything that goes with it, your life routines, your joint friends, families etc. So much is shared and it’s a huge wrench to try to become yourself again. All I can say is if you got as far back as my “back-story” in this thread then , yes, absolutely it does get better. It takes time, effort and lots of back and forth. Times when you feel like you have progressed and others when you can feel just as lonely and scared as on the first day. But eventually, it does heal, if you let it. And you can be happy again, I’m living proof as are many others who have also shared their stories. But for now, it’s about dealing with the shock and trying to accept the change. All the usual things to help are more difficult with all the C-19 stuff but do your best to be active, talk with friends, take care of yourself.

@Sammy. Similar to CB, I’m sorry for the pain and shock you are going through right now. I remember it well. You sound like you have a very smart friend who knows you very well and from everything you have shared she sounds like she’s on the money. I know at the moment it isn’t what you want to hear – what you want is someone to assure you he will miss you, regret his choice, come back for you. Make it all ‘ok’ again. And wanting sympathy is absolutely fine, natural. It’s a cr@p thing to be going through and an especially difficult time with all the C-19 restrictions. But the thing is, it wasn’t all ok, it’s just going to be a long while until you can see that as right now it just hurts too damn bad.  Like so so many people on here, it wasn’t a healthy relationship and it wasn’t good for you. Yes, the drinking is a crutch already and I understand you want to blot out the pain.  You can survive this and you can choose which way you want to come out. Just do it slowly, one step at a time. Listen to your friend, reach out for help where you can. Take care – you will get it through and there’s a lot of support here for you to do so.