Dear Anita

Yes I just woke… And okay, here you go..

1.I feel free when we AREN’T. Together… I misspelled, but like i said sometimes it’s a freeing feeling other times it’s a really sad feeling that we aren’t together, but him and I aren’t together or not together so I’m in the middle.

2. Yes it’s the same as the uncontrollable emotion. It’s an intruding thought that makes me not want to be with him. But there’s also a side of me that can’t be without him.

3.and to describe the awful feeling. Well it used to be just a thought In my head. That didn’t want to go near him or be around him. And always wanting to go home. It was paired with sweating, shaking, crying, not eating,or sleeping. And getting knots in my stomach. (This is what stage i was at when we first spoke.) But it has faded Into Less stress and anger and fear to more confusion and sadness and just wanting the feeling to go away so I can be with him. I tried my best to explain…

4. And an example ? Hmm well I often think he’ll leave me for someone better. So instead of running with that thought and creating scenarios in my head. I’ll just realize, he’s with me for a reason. And I’m causing unnecessary stress for myself.

Anita I didn’t know love was supposed to be this hard. It’s not like this when Im with him but when in without him my mind is always racing looking for solutions. While for him. It’s so easy. Because he loves me. And that scares me.

-lisa:((