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ANITA IM LOOKING 4 U !!!!!!! (i love him but suddenly not in love continued)

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 101 total)
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  • #352980
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    “I don’t panic anymore. I just get sad”- this is a great progress. Way better to be sad than to panic. People make way less mistakes when sad than when panicking.

    What happens with this man is not that important, it is not a matter of life and death. So please, calm down- the relationship with him is not a matter of great emergency, even when it feels like it.

    Calm down, Lisa and stay calm. When you start to panic, bring yourself back to calm. Do it every time and you will be okay.

    anita

    #352982
    Lisa
    Participant

    okay, i know its not the end of the world but i feel im losing an opportunity and that ill never be in love agin or nobody will ever love me again, it hurts really bad i wish i could just stop the feelng entirly, i feel like im moving on while still kinda being with him. i feel free knowing we rent together and feel like the handcuffs of anxiety and ear have been cut lose. but then theres the sde that tells me im making a mistake and i know that he isnt immature so he doesnt let the relationship control his whole life, so when it ends hell continue his life and be happy that im happy, but i now that ill be stuck thinking that i made a mistake, and get super depressed, thats why werekinda inbetween being together and not, because thats what my thoughts reflect exactly, anita, this isnt about me anymore, its just about making the right decision, this has been going on for so long that im beggining to think that either way that i go, il still be happy, but the feeling that  was getting, was an awful feeling, i hate that feeling, i wish  could just make it go away, this has happend to a lot of girls. so it may just be that they arent the right person for you. but i dont want to leave him and fall in love with some no god asshole. i want to be in love with the guy that treats me rught, and loves me aswell, i just want a fix, ananswer, a soulution, but i know ill only find that within myself, whuch sucks. because if i could, i wouldnt be writing to you now, this is probably the most uncertain ive ever been, im not sure what to do, when i talk to my dad he tells me the same things you do  but i still get that uncertain feeling thats taking ver my relationship, and i dont want to take time because thatll only make us grow apart. u g h. these certai thoughts have been ALL ive thought about for going on three weeks. i just want it to end. i want to be with him but not with all this uncontrollable emotion, its just making me think its not meant to be, but yeah, i dont panic anymore, i just feel this uncertain sad feeling, and your right it feels alot better than panicing, so whats the next step, give up, or dont. sorry about spelling mistakes or jumbling up my words but i just tend to do that

    #352984
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    I will read your recent post and reply when I am back to the computer in about ten hours from now. Good night (it is 8:30 pm, my time).

    anita

    #353028
    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I read something about over thinking. Which as you can probably tell by how I write… I do that A LOT. And it’s what started all of my anxiety

     

    So for a few hours I’ve been practicing. When a bad feeling/thought about my relationship comes in, to not fight it, or ask myself to stop thinking about it, but replace that thought with a positive one. Still I am getting the bad thoughts just as much. But just learning to replace them

     

    Do you think that with time the thoughts will gradually leave with this approach? Because I will set a trap for my mind? If that makes sense, to a point where when there’s a bad thought it will just be ignored. I know it won’t take a day or a few hours but it seems to be working.

     

    Also that mixed with doing new things etc. I’m not sure. Let me know what you think? I see him tommorw. I got him some LED lights  and the bracelete. And for some reason I’m so scared to give it to him. Ahhh but I bought them for him. And I’m excited too. Anyways

    I’ve been up all night. So I won’t see your reply but I know it will help me in some way! You’re an amazing person and i see you gain from helping other people with your wisdom I appreachiate you especially since I don’t have my mom to talk to. And my dad doesn’t always understand, lol  talk to you then.

     

    Lisa

     

     

     

    #353096
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    I hope you rested after being up all  night!

    Take your time with the following and answer clearly:

    1. “I feel free knowing we rent together”- rent what?

    2. “the feeling that was getting, it was an awful feeling, I hate that feeling.. I want to be with him but not with all this uncontrollable emotion”-

    -is that “awful feeling” the same as that “uncontrollable emotion”?

    3. Will you define (as if you are a dictionary) that awful feeling and uncontrollable emotion (as separate terms if they are not the same)?

    4. “When a bad feeling/ thought about my relationship comes in.. replace that thought with a positive  one.. Do you think that with time the thoughts will gradually leave with this approach?”-

    – give me an example of a “bad feeling/ thought” about the relationship and a thought you replaced it with.

    anita

    #353118
    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

     

    Yes I just woke… And okay, here you go..

    1.I feel free when we AREN’T. Together… I misspelled, but like i said sometimes it’s a freeing feeling other times it’s a really sad feeling that we aren’t together, but him and I aren’t together or not together so I’m in the middle.

     

    2. Yes it’s the same as the uncontrollable emotion. It’s an intruding thought that makes me not want to be with him. But there’s also a side of me that can’t be without him.

     

    3.and to describe the awful feeling. Well it used to be just a thought In my head. That didn’t want to go near him or be around him. And always wanting to go home. It was paired with sweating, shaking, crying, not eating,or sleeping. And getting knots in my stomach. (This is what stage i was at when we first spoke.) But it has faded Into Less stress and anger and fear to more confusion and sadness and just wanting the feeling to go away so I can be with him. I tried my best to explain…

     

    4. And an example ? Hmm well I often think he’ll leave me for someone better. So instead of running with that thought and creating scenarios in my head. I’ll just realize, he’s with me for a reason. And I’m causing unnecessary stress for myself.

     

    Anita I didn’t know love was supposed to be this hard. It’s not like this when Im with him but when in without him my mind is always racing looking for solutions. While for him. It’s so easy. Because he loves me. And that scares me.

     

    -lisa:((

     

     

     

    #353124
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    Thank you for your clear answers.

    Only one question in this post: “he loves me. And that scares me”- what is it about him loving you that scares you/ that feels dangerous to you?

    anita

    #353130
    Lisa
    Participant

    That I am going to hurt him. Or maybe don’t love him the same..

     

    #353136
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    It scares you that he loves you so much that he will get hurt.

    Reads to me that you loved someone (your mother?) so much and because you loved that someone so much.. you got so hurt. So you look at him loving you so much, he reminds you of you.. and you are scared that like you, he will get very hurt too.

    What do you think?

    anita

    #353148
    Lisa
    Participant

    I wouldn’t say my mom. I would say my ex boyfriend. I gave him everything and he gave me nothing and I was depressed for years. I only got over it a year ago. And I still think about everything he did to me. He was my first love. And even though he treated me like shit I still gave him everything because I was so blinded by love. And now, yes I’m terrified that I am that person to my boyfriend now and I’m going to do what my wx did to me

     

     

    #353158
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    You are not like your ex boyfriend, you are not that kind of person. Therefore, you will not do to your boyfriend what your ex did to you.

    If it is your ex boyfriend that affected you so badly, causing you to be depressed for years, and to be so anxious in regard to the current man in your life, better share about it, share about what happened with the ex. Sharing, expressing yourself can lessen the harm from that relationship that you are still carrying with you.

    anita

    #353164
    Lisa
    Participant

    Yes you are right my dad did say the same thing to me. And that’s another thing I have to keep in mind. I hope everything I’m working on is worth it and we stay together because. I do all of this just for the good feeling I have. But im scared that as soon as I see him. All the bad ones will come back. Ohmy I’m so stressed. Out

    #353180
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lisa:

    Your dad said the same thing to you.. well then do what we both suggested, tell the story of what happened by typing it away, but slowly so that it’s not only your thoughts being typed away but your feelings. Do it when it suits you. Do find way to relax (see my first post to you, also check out headspace. com, “meditation and sleep made simple”.

    anita

    #353190
    Lisa
    Participant

    Okay im about to watch a movie. And I’ll th ink about what im going to say. I’ve never really gully gotten it out before.

    #353244
    Lisa
    Participant

    dear anita:

     

    i just finished watching a movie with him, we watched it over facetime, we watched the “notebook”, and the basis of that movie is that they breakup, and the girl finds someone new. she loves him, but she knows deep down that shes only with him for something stable. for me, i dont love anybody else. but i know deep down that something isnt right.

    for some reason the movie realy hit a spot for me, i started to cry on the phone, he asked me what was wrong, and i just kept saying.. “im sorry” “im sorry” and he said, dont worry about it lisa. that hurt so bad that i had to hngup….

    these past few weeks, ive just been thinking none stop, trying to fix it with him, trying to find a soulution, but anita, i think maybe you know that theres no soulution for what you feel.

    i love SO many things about him. and itll break my heart to see him move on, but it will hurt less then dragging this on, he told me the reason he hasnt just gotten back with me,is not because he doesnt forgive me, but because he knows and can feel that something is off. and doesnt want to get hurt again.

    right now i feel peace, usually im bawling my eyes out by now, but i think the only way i can stop feeling this stress is to let go. tommorow i am going to see him, for the first time in maybe three weeks. and we said that tommorow well see if this is true love or if im just forcing it, and i guess ill see. anita, i cant stress myself out anymore. i cant have this internal conflict anymore, its driving me crazy

    tommorow is my moms birthday, her 5th brthday since shes passed away, i feel really down about that too, it makes me just want to constantly be around my dad and i feel like as long as my dad is here il be okay, thats the same way i felt when i was eleven and my mom passed away, i knew that all i needed was my dad, and i feel so attached to him in these times

    tommorow im going to give him the bracelete, i made a list of rules for them,

    1st rule: NEVER take off the bracelete unless you fall in love with somebody new

    2nd rule:

    3touches=i love you

    2touches=i miss you

    3touches=text/call me

    3rd rule; no matter what. we cant break the bracelete, or throw it out no matteer how mad we are at eachother, they symbolise our bond, and well only take them off if we feel its right

    anita, i feel peaceful right now. i think that i will be ok either way, i just cant let myself slip, i am worried ill never find somebody that loves me like him. but if its meant to be, he’ll wait for me  when im ready, i dont want to go against the path that the earth is trying to take me on, theres a reason i feel like this and i dont want to fight it. i love him, i always will, we had a baby together {although it died} its something we’ll hold together forever. just us. he’s my bestfriend, and maybe this will change in time.

    whatever decision i make i feel like im making a mistake. but atleast i feel at peace right now. i need real time to live on my own without talking to him and see if i just want to get back with him because i miss him or because i actually want to be with him. mo matter what happens ill keep you updated.

     

    KINDEST REGUARDS,  lisa<3

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