May 19, 2020 at 10:54 am #355966
The meditation can do more than relax you. If you listen to the words, you can come across something that will help you figure out your situation. Try it, listen to the words and let me know what you think and feel afterwards.
anitaMay 19, 2020 at 3:13 pm #356028
I did. I felt calm for awhile.. but it came back. Anita, this sounds really sad but this might be the last time you ever talk to me.
I feel that there is absolutely no escape from my thoughts. I’ve lived in fear and anxiety and insecurities. And there is no escape. No matter what irs never ending
I just want to be at peace. And if you really like me you’ll understand. You’ve heard my thoughts and as you can probably tell. They take over my life.
I can’t even drink or smoke or anythung because it makes it worse. I want an escape from my own mind. I really just want it all to stop I want to catch a breath. Thank you for all your help..
LisaMay 19, 2020 at 3:38 pm #356030
You are very welcome, Lisa. I do like you. And I wish you feel better soon and feel at peace. I used to think it would be impossible for me to ever feel at peace for long, but it was possible for me after all. At peace is different from joyful or happy, you know. It is possible to feel peaceful on a long term basis.
You are welcome to post again, if you feel like it and when you do.
anitaMay 19, 2020 at 3:40 pm #356032
I meant. I’m giving up on life.May 19, 2020 at 3:44 pm #356034
I don’t communicate with members who consider suicide. I am not qualified to do that. Please check yourself into a hospital immediately, so to get the needed help that you need!
And do post again, but talk to me about life, as difficult as it is, not about giving up on life.
anitaMay 20, 2020 at 9:58 am #356122
Sorry lol. And do you have quora ? You don’t seem to want to talk anywhere but on here. But it’s hard for me to answer on a web browser when quora has an app, If so what’s ur username?May 20, 2020 at 10:27 am #356126
“Sorry lol”- what are you apologizing for, and what’s the lol for?
anitaMay 20, 2020 at 12:33 pm #356144
For saying that stuffMay 20, 2020 at 12:42 pm #356150
Yesterday you posted to me this one line post: “I meant. I’m giving up on life”. Today, your comment about that line was: “Sorry lol”, and your explanation of these two words is: For saying that stuff”.
You mean that you didn’t mean “I meant. I’m giving up on life”?
anitaMay 23, 2020 at 8:50 pm #356594
DEARRR: my dearest anita?
okay so since I wrote that. Things have changed again, in a good way this time… me and him stopped talking A few days after you and I last talked. I’ve texted him here and there and he hasn’t replied, which I know is for a good reason. And I know him. I know he wouldn’t do it to hurt me or to ignore me, he’s doing it for the best
I’ve really just started to open myself up to so much more, I know I’m sosooo young, and there’s so many people I will meet, and seeing him move on will OF COURSE ! Hurt. But I’ve chosen to think about it positively, and more maturely, it’s bound to happen, and like a cut, it’ll hurt for awhile, then it’ll scab, then it’ll heal. And if I keep picking at it it’ll make a scar, but if I let it go with maturity and gracefully, it’ll heal properly, (wow I just made that up & I might have to live by it)
I’ve realized that, us moving on and seeing new things and meeting new people IS NOT the end of the world !!! It’s exactly the thing that makes life exciting !!!, I really do have one of those souls who has the desire to live anything but an average life!! And I think my gut knew that we were moving way too fast and it was way too much for me to handle. So I pressed the breaks.
I still like him , indeed BUT I don’t feel this obsessive controlling feeling like I need him to just STAYWITHME ME ME ME. I almost In a way am excited for him & for me. We both have big plans. We both want to do so much with the life we were given. So I hope he checks all the marks on his list.
you come to a point where you just, I don’t know. Find peace. And it’s an amazing feeling. To not only be happy for someone else, but to be happy for yourself, within yourself. Let yourself breath. Stop being so mean to yourself. It’s nice to feel like now I can flirt with new guys that I meet, or go on dates, without feeling this GUILT. I never cheated on him. But I flirted with other guys, and when I told my friends that, they thought it was a crime. But I never did, maybe I’m weird. But. Just want to live my teenage life to the fullest and worry about being trapped in a relationship LATER.
anyways Anita. I know I will feel different later about him & the situation but, I’ll come back to this paragraph and just let myself let go more and more until I just do. And I’m not rushing myself to that point either, I’m just gliding towards it. Anita.. for some reason you won’t talk to me on any other platform which is ok but I use wish their was an app for this website it’s a pain to get onto and I’ve talked to many people, my grandma people on Quora n you always helped the most, because you know what goes on in my mind because I’ve spilled everything. Once this s all over I’m getting a therapist. And restarting my life with a positive outlook. The other day I was ready to give up. But I kept fighting, because I am not weak. And this relif is my reward, please ask me some more questions to continue the conversationMay 24, 2020 at 5:36 am #356616
Good to read that you felt so much better yesterday when you posted. I hope you still feel good. Sometimes it is difficult for me to believe that you are as young as you say you are, feels like you are much older. You wrote: “I’ve realized that, us moving on and seeing new things and meeting new people IS NOT the end of the world!!! It’s exactly the thing that makes life exciting!!!”- you are full of life, passionate!
“I don’t feel this obsessive controlling feeling like I need him to just STAYWITHME ME”- how intelligently phrased, mature thinking.
“you come to a point where you just, I don’t know. Find peace. And it’s an amazing feeling. To not only be happy for someone else, but to be happy for yourself, within yourself. Let yourself breath. Stop being so mean to yourself.. I know I will feel different later about him & the situation but, I’ll come back to this paragraph and just let myself let go more and more until I just do. And I’m not rushing myself to that point either”- so mature that I feel as if you are in your forties or fifties, that old!
I never heard of Quora until you mentioned it and I don’t do any social media other than this very website.
“please ask me some questions to continue the conversation”- I am not motivated to ask you more questions when you didn’t answer my most recent question to you, see May 20. If you choose to answer it this time, please answer it thoroughly.
anitaJuly 21, 2020 at 9:39 am #362282
hi anita, me again…
i hope youre doing well..
so i just wanted to talk to you about somethings.. and here theyre..
heres the story.. and the things that have changed, its hard to type this without crying..
i dont live with my awwful dad anymore. i live with y grandparents. i have a job.. i make good money. i am happy at work and work is a great distraction, but i cant seem to shake these two feelings, i know tat if you fall ot of ove with somome its maybe because you were never in love with them in the first place… and i sometimes think that the reason that i still have this same attachement to him as i did months ago when we talked is that i love him, but then i think that that couldnt be right, because it was so bad hat i had to dump him,
i sometimes think i am strong for dumping him because with every art of my soul i didnt want to. but i knew that even if there was this tiny feeling that was telling me i should then, i definietley should…
when i think of him, he the boyfriend that every girl wishes to have, extremely handsome, kind to his mom, family orienated, mature, kind, funny, smart, responsible, has a job, drives. so the feeling that i cant shake is, if its not him then who else on earth could it be? i don just want to be the person who only chases after people who dont want me….
the other feeling i cant shake is the same one i had all throught the relationship. i hink i am pretty and a lot of people tell me i am. but i just dont belive it, i think everyone is better than me, and i hate how i look talk and act, and that was a major problem for us because he was so confident and comfortable within himself, i dont know how to gain self love because i as never taugt, i was taught the exct opposite and even if i a feeling confident for awhle it always ges away after awhile, and turns into me completley hating myself.
let me get this straight, i am not suicidal BUT, and thats a BIG but…. i feel like my own brain is out to get me, it sounds crazy but i just want all the thoughts in my head to stop. i remeber always seeing in movies people talking about the voices in their head right before they kill themselves and i nderstand it, it feels lie its not even you, its ths negitve comintater that always has s,ething to say and makes ur brain run at 5000mph so yea,
the last feeling cant sake is that i did what my ashole ex did to me, to makai, i am terrfied that i hurt him, even though i know i did, people would roll their eyes at me if they heard this but i felt like i had no choice and that me staying with him would hurt him way more, his whole family hates me and his friends too, and that sucks to think about even though i now it pretty much all my fault. i dont want to make myself out as a victim because im not.. but yeah, we check up on eachother all the time. we still talk, but i just dont want to hurt him anymore then i already have.
the thought of him being with somone else used to break me but now as long as they make him so fucking happy, i caan defietley live with that, because if the reason i dumped him was because i wanted him to be happy, then i need to allow that to happen, and step out of the way. thats the only growth i think ive made.. other then getting a job and movig out of that toxic house, i still think negitivley AF and have no control over my emotions.
anyways if i read this over ill prob delete it so bare with me, lol try ur hardest to understand… if you even reply lol. thx anitaaa<3July 21, 2020 at 10:33 am #362286
Good to read that you have a job, that you make good money, and that you are happy at work. Congratulations for “getting a job and moving out of that toxic house”. I am sorry to read that you feel like your own brain is out to get you, running “at 5000 mph”, and that you still think negatively and feeling no control over your emotions”.
Here is what I suggest that you do: because you are making good money, seek quality professional help so to slow down your brain, so that you can think more positively and exercise more control over your emotions.