May 18, 2020 at 2:00 pm #355804
I see. You wrote earlier about your visits at S’s house: “it’s uncomfortable and awkward but normal. He even calls me beautiful all the time. But overall he acts normal. Like he doesn’t remember at all. Which is another reason why I felt like it was all in my head”- I don’t like it that you are visiting S, feeling awkward and uncomfortable, and doubting your experience because he acts normal.
I understand your love for your brother, but I wish there was (and there may be!) a way for you to visit with your brother without ever being in the presence of S again.
anitaMay 18, 2020 at 3:18 pm #355810
Yeah I haven’t seen my brother in like 8 months !!! I want to stay close to him, so that it won’t be awkward. But he’s 7 now soon I’ll be able to drive and just go pick him up and go for ice cream… that would be niceMay 18, 2020 at 4:08 pm #355814
That will be way better, seeing your brother away from his father. I mentioned earlier that I think that you should not be in a relationship with a guy: I think that it is important that you will not be engaged anytime soon in a sexual relationship. You are too young and with the molestation experience that you suffered (it went beyond the one event as it involved your mother’s dismissal of your account of it), and having had sex as a very young teenager (leading to your abortion), it is just not a good idea. I want you to take time and heal from those experiences I mentioned.
Friendships- yes, sex- no, says I, not for a while!
anitaMay 18, 2020 at 4:18 pm #355818
I am definitely going to listen; today I felt so overwhelmed and I messaged him. We had a long talk and he told me that he still loves me: but he knows that so much stuff has happend so it’s not good to be in a relationship anymore. For now, he said he doesn’t want to have to talk every day. But he said it would be nice if We checked up on each other every once and awhile. It’s clear that I did like him considering how I reacted to us breaking up. But I just feel this block. And I have a feeling it has everything to do with, moving too fast, and engaging in a sexual relationship that I’m not ready for. We want to build a friendship. Because we never did. I have to find peace in the fact that not every relationship will workout. And that you can’t always get what you want. But that pressure is gone. I just feel relaxed. And it felt good to get out what happened to me. I still haven’t got over it: but I’m trying my hardest. But yeah no relationship now. I don’t even want to think about being in a relationship or feeling so much pressure to only talk to one guy. I just want to feel free like I can live my teenage life without always being attached to someone. But if life works itself out the way I want it to; hell be with me when we’re older and more mature.May 18, 2020 at 4:31 pm #355820
Here’s a message he sent me that I’ve copied and pasted..
I’ll translate some things you might not understand..
I dont want to leave me alone I want you focus on ur self n get ur money. cause even in a couple years ik for a fact you’ll be in my heart n mind idc if you got another boyfriend I’m taking u from him cause ur mine n always will be but i’ve showed you how I am with I love i cant hurt you when u hurt me so I gotta do something else certain things i cant let go of yk n i get over A LOT of things that happened between usMay 18, 2020 at 4:36 pm #355822
What you wrote is beautifully mature and wise. Please re-read what you wrote at times when you feel stress and relax best you can, as you read this. You are an intelligent, sensible and passionate girl and I can imagine very good things happening in your life. I .. almost can’t wait to read about it. But I have to be patient, and you too, be patient. Take advantage of your intelligence and make good choices for yourself. I am smiling right now for the first time today (and it is 4:35 pm here)!
anitaMay 18, 2020 at 5:48 pm #355828
dear Anita ;
thank you so much. I really feel so much better for Some reason, maybe I needed to get it out.
mom generally a really stubborn and angry and passionate person, and it can be good but it can also be bad..
especially when it comes to love, if I’m putting something in I’m gonna Pour my soul into it. I want to be with him. And I know I’m a good person and what I was doing was NEVER. To use him or to hurt him: because That’s the reason I hated myself so much.
I think to any of the girls/guys that go through this, I think that it’s important to not be mad at yourself. And getting advice will help. But you have to trust yourself and your own intuition.
i had this feeling like I wanted to breakup. But I still liked him, and cared for him; and didn’t want to lose him completely. I’d say that it’s most likely because you’re getting into something that you aren’t ready for. And are feeling trapped.
and I think if he truly loves you then he will wait. And understand, and I got lucky that he felt the exact same way for me. Being 16 and living an adult relationship will strain you. I want to go out and be able to flirt and have fun without feeling guilty. But I’m not interested in anyone else either. Imagining that makes me feel sick. And still for some reason; guilty.
especially everything I went through, but for me I was so scared of the thought. When it popped up in my head I was so scared of it. And I would get an adrenaline rush every time I felt it. And my stomach would drop, and I’d sweat, emotions can really take you ok physically. If any girls read this who are going through the same thing.
if you still like him then don’t just give up. Slow down expierence the world, and what is meant for you will always come back to you. Love is weird. But trust the universe. I’m still going through this so I can’t really tell people exactly what to do, other then just take a breath. Put your phone down. Tell him you still care and love him but you need to take a break, and actually take it.
its okay to message someone you aren’t with. I learned this. You can check up on them without having to talk about your relationship.
anita I am still going to talk to you often if that’s okay with you. I actually read the forum that you commented on and I felt so happy you gave me so much hope ! And then I was watching this show. And I had seen it was someone in the shows birthday, and her name was Anita, they had big pink ballon letters spelling out “A N I TA” and all of a sudden I knew that I had to talk to you!!! I think that you didn’t tell me exactly what to do but you guided me along the way! Even though we’ve never met you know me better then most of my friends. You know some stories I’ve never told anyone, and your guidance helped me so much. But if I didn’t really dig deep and take time then I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Even when my stubbornness was probably annoying you you still took the time and patience to always reply and calm me down because you’re just a guardian angel !!? I love your approach to things. And I’m happy to make u smile a smile of relief that I’ve sort of came to some what of a awakening?
if anyone reads this it’ll be okay: no matter what happens time heals all wounds. It’ll be okay: and AGAIN. What’s meant for you, will always find it’s way back to you: promise ?May 18, 2020 at 5:48 pm #355830
Not mom, I can *May 18, 2020 at 6:05 pm #355834
I read some of your recent post, mostly the last part, very emotional, and I am smiling again. But I need to re-read your recent post (and anything you may add to it) when I am back to the computer, in about 12 hours from now. I am not focused enough this evening. I am not sure I understand “What’s meant for you, will always find it’s way back to you: promise?”- can you rewrite this sentence?
Be back in about 12 hours. Take good care of yourself, Lisa.
anitaMay 18, 2020 at 6:59 pm #355840
What I meant by this is that. If you and someone or even something are meant to be, but maybe it’s not the right time. Then the universe will naturally bring you guys back to eachother.May 19, 2020 at 6:57 am #355912
“.. If any girls read this who are going through the same thing… If you still like him then don’t just give up. Slow down, experience the world..”- in the first part of your post, you are trying to communicate with other girls your age who may be reading this thread. Because your thread’s title has my name in big letters and because we’ve been communicating here for six pages, it is less likely that girls your age will be reading your post on page 6. If you want to, you can create a new thread with a different title, which is more likely to get the attention and interest of girls your age. If you do, I will not post in your new thread, and we can continue to communicate here.
Thank you for expressing your appreciation for our communication. “anita I am still going to talk to you if that’s okay with you”- yes, it’s okay with me.
“I’m happy to make u smile a smile of relief that I’ve sort of came to somewhat of an awakening”- I didn’t understand this sentence.
anitaMay 19, 2020 at 9:22 am #355932
hello. I’m feeling upset again. Sadly, I’m not freaking out but, I was watching this random video and a song started playing l, it said “you just want attention, you don’t want my heart, maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new, you just want attention, I knew from the start, you’re just making sure I’m never getting over you.
this sounds exactly what I’m feeling. And I am afraid of it in a way, I hate myself because of it. Because it’s hard to explain, but it’s not what I’m trying to do at all. But I only start to want to be with him when I imagine him with a new girl. It’s crazy. I never expected myself in this situation. I never thought I would feel like this.
it’s not heartbreak but it’s just, confusion, because I don’t know why it’s happening, I like how he looks A LOT. I like his personality, I like how he treats me. When I describe my dream person it’s him. But I just get this feeling of just wanting to l breakup with him, I don’t want to be a bad Person. But I almost can’t help it.
I know if he were in another relationship I would regret it for the rest of my life. Because he treated me so well. I just don’t believe in love anymore.. I feel like one person always loves the other person more: at the start it wasn’t forced at all. But now it so is . And when I think of getting back together I get this rush of anxiety of going backwards.
I wish it was possible to just ask the universe for the answer to what’s going on in my head. And a fix. But I feel like if I breakup with him. I’m sad: i want to talk to him. But when we’re together, I feel trapped and that’s not love, I don’t want him to move on but I don’t want to not let him move on either because I know I’m not a bad person intentionally. I don’t think anyone understands .
and even if you help me, I’ll feel positive about it for awhile, then an intrusive thought comes in, and it just takes over. And puts me in this place,
I want to be with him but I don’t know what’s off, and I want it to go back to how it was but I don’t know if it ever will, but imagining him with simone else makes me sick to my stomach, it’s like I don’t want to be with him but I want him to wait for me. Which isn’t good, but I guess I have to admit it.
I was thinking it’s okay to just talk sometimes and if the universe brings us back then that will be good. But I know it won’t, because I didn’t love him properly, I loved him selfishly, and that’s exactly the opposite of love. Being selfish. So I know the universe will bring him someone he deserves. Just like I loved my ex properly, and then the current Guy came along and loved me the way I loved my ex, and now I’m loving him the way my ex loved him.
i just want a solution , CAuse it feels never ending.
-LisaMay 19, 2020 at 9:38 am #355936
I guess I just have to leave him alone if I can’t love him like that I wish I could be that lucky girl but I know there will be a girl who can treat him so much better and it’s gonna break my heart but love shouldn’t be so complicatedMay 19, 2020 at 9:45 am #355938
Yesterday: “I really feel so much better for Some reason”. Today: “I’m feeling upset again”.
You wrote: “even if you help me, I’ll feel positive about it for a while, then an intrusive thought comes in, and it just takes over. And puts me in this place.. I want to be with him.. but imagining him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach… I just want a solution, cause it feels never ending”-
– try The Mountain Meditation. I think that you can easily download it online, for free. Go to a part of your home where you will not be interrupted, sit comfortably, follow the instructions, listen to it and let me know how you feel afterwards.
anitaMay 19, 2020 at 10:37 am #355960
Okay I’ll try but I think it’s going to help me relax but it won’t help me figure out my situation. Cause even if I feel Good and relaxed, it’ll always go back. And not being with him or being with him I feel trapped in this bubble of depression