Hi David,

Good to hear from you.

I think what she says holds true- it WILL feel impossible to her to not have you in her life, she will be hurting so much too and maybe more as she will always have the “what if” of it all. You sound very compassionate and caring for her- unconditional love -and that is beautiful- though painful and shows you have a open big heart.

In terms of thoughts rushing, I have found this so hard too. One thing that helps me is to count each breath in and out up to 10 and then  back again from 1-10 over and over. The deep  breaths make me feel calmer and normally by the time I get to near 20 my thoughts are slower and my brain starts to relax. It takes alot of willpower to stay with this boring activity as your brain wants to “figure things out” with the person you love or it wants to relive the pleasure or painful parts over and over. This gives you some temporary feeling of doing something  but in my case I found long term it just ended up with me crying.. so the breathing exercises could help. I would also suggest Michael Singer and his surrender experiment book ad youtubes. Again a distraction but hearing him talk about the voice inside your head and samaras (the cycle of energy that comes up time and time again) has helped me understand my emotions more and why things keep coming up.

I hope you are able to find some peace tonight. Wishing you well and thinking of you.