Also, my main problem right now is that boy. Even though that sounds dumb.

but it’s this feeling like sometimes I’ll miss him so much and want to be with him again and imagining him with other girls makes my stomach turn and I get sad, but I also get hopeful by telling myself if he’s meant to be for me, then he’ll come back in some fashion. I’ll have Him again.

but then there’s this other side that says, if we broke up who he’s with is none of my business and I can’t control that anymore, and I didn’t want to be with him while I was with him, and I’m just hurting him so I should leave him alone

and then another side of me says, if you truly love someone you wouldn’t have to work so hard to love them it should be so easy, and you should just be happy to be around them; but when I imagine Us having sex, it doesn’t turn me on anymore lool.

and then there’s another side of me that says, well it’s not up to me anymore he broke up with me for the last time so it’s not my choice anymore.

and when I feel the good feeling. I feel amazing. And when I feel the bad feeling, I feel how I’m feeling right now. Like shit.

we haven’t talked in almost four days. And not talking to him, does help. But I thought breaking up, would make me feel better. But it really doesn’t. At all. I don’t feel more free. I just feel confused and heart broken.

breaking up showed me I really do like him. But there’s just something that I can’t put my finger on. I also have this feeling if possession over him when I imagine him talking to anyone else I get a knot in my chest, I know we only just broke up so I’m still gonna he sad but, he’s all I think about when I’m not distracting myself. I just want someone to give me the answer.  I know I’m young, but I’m not gonna give up until I figure this out,