Dear Anita

I haven’t told the full story to anyone. But here it goes.

My step dad was big. He had a large stomach. And me and my mom often joked around with him about it. But me hum and my mom had this thing where we would all always cuddle..

One time my mom was at work and I was comfortable enough to lay in bed with him and watch a movie. And he started to big spoon me.. I didn’t feel uncomfortable cause it was pretty normal for us. But my mom was always there….

Anyways he scooted closer and started to rub my belly.. And slowly got to my underwear. And started to touch me. In my head I was wondering if this was normal. I told myself it was. But something inside me tols me to get up. But i was so scared to. After a few seconds.. I said “I’m tired I’m going to bed. I was a little girl. Still with pigtails and carrying around stuffed animals.

I had been thinking about it all week. I knew something was off. So eventually, I worked it up to tell my mom. I told her exactly what happens and her response was, “are you sure lisa; because if so, we have to tell the police” that terrified me. So after that I told myself. No mom I’m sorry we were just cuddling. And she said okay love go to sleep..

And so I did. I always thought my mom had my best interest at heart. So I knew it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or maybe it wasn’t real. Or maybe it never even happend and if I asked him he would never remember. So really for the rest of my life until a year ago. I never ever thought about it.

Then one day. My dad opened up to me about being raped so young. And I told him about my earlier childhood memories. Which had been that. And he flipped out. He was so mad at my mom. But i told him there’s no point in being mad at the dead.

He only ever touched me once. Maybe my mom talked to him about it. But once I grew up i realized that either way. He should never have been cuddling with a little girl that age. There’s a lot of things in my life that I haven’t reslly dealt with. But my two main ones are having an abortion. And that.

My dad hates him. And wants him dead. And yes I do have to see and talk to him sometimes. And itd uncomfortable and awkward but normal. He even calls me beautiful all the time. But overall he acts normal. Like he doesn’t remember at all. Which is another reason why I felt like it was all in my head.

Lisa:(