Dear Janus

I have come back to this thread because it seems to me that this whole thing has been going on for far too long – years – and that is not healthy. Are you really interested in helping yourself or are you just here to sound off and get attention?

I’m sorry if it sounds harsh but you are now, I think, about 20 and should be taking matters into your own hands and searching the internet for the information I mentioned to you that will help you to help yourself. Your long and repeated posts are very self-indulgent. Anita, you are also indulging yourself stringing this thread out mostly, I believe, for your benefit not Janus’s.

Janus, are you really sure you want to transition from female to male? I really wonder whether you think you want to be male because you have been fed the message by your parents that male is better than female. Please think carefully before you go any further and also, please don’t rely on drugs to alter your mental state but on solid information that will help you start to change your negative beliefs about yourself and prepare you for a better, happier life. Do not wreck your life trying to please your parents when what you want is way more important than what they want. If they are unkind to you because of your life choices, or simply because you are not your brother or not male, let them go. Seriously, get them out of your life.

You seem to have one or two good friends, build your friendships. You are serious about pursuing a scientific career and your sports, so you do have things you believe in going on in your life. Complete your education, get out of your parents’ clutches and live your own life. You know, much of what you feel is in line with what most people feel, i.e. the feeling good some days when you look in the mirror and bad other days, having an inner critic (do you honestly think you’re the only one that has this?). That’s life, I suggest you get a handle on it and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

I have great sympathy for you, I am the daughter of narcissistic parents myself and I am a good deal older than you. I did not have the benefit of the internet and books which are now available which are full of information that could have helped me to a better life if I had known at your age what I know now. Get a grip, arm yourself with the information which is freely available to you and set yourself up for a successful life. Or, you can wallow in self-pity and allow your parents’ prejudices to wreck it. It’s your call, but don’t lean on this forum to help you through the rest of your life.

I sincerely hope this helps, it is kindly meant.

Jan