Dear Murtaza:

“I sometimes wish someone .. just take care of me.. cause I won’t do anything”- you are waiting for someone to take care of you, and angry that no one ever did. You are thinking something like this:  It is not fair that no one ever took care of me, so I am not going to ever take care of myself because I am waiting to be taken care of!!!

It is this anger at not having been taken care of as a boy, that keeps you stuck in your stubborn refusal to take care of yourself.

“I wish I could tell someone my life and he tell me you are doing well enough, it’s ok”-

– I am telling you that you are okay as far as how you look (even though I never saw you)and your intelligence, and I can tell you that it is okay with me if you never go back to school, if you never get a job, if you don’t make money and buy a home, if you never have a girlfriend,  etc.,  as long as you don’t suffer as a result of not doing these things.

The problem for me is not that you are doing nothing in life, but that you are suffering because you are doing nothing in life. In other words, if you did nothing in life and felt okay about yourself doing nothing, then I would be okay with you doing nothing.

You expressed lots of suffering in your thread. The title itself, “I can’t cry anymore” indicates your suffering. Let’s look at some of the suffering you shared about in your most recent post: “I feel trapped… I dislike being with myself.. I’m a loser… jealous and hurt.. inadequate.. I wish I was him, to have someone respect me and care about me.. I get this deep hurt inside.. like I am this worthless person.. I feel pain in my stomach, stress”-

– see, how can I possibly tell you that it is okay to suffer like this???

“I don’t see myself as a product to change and adjust for what ‘females like’, I am what I am and if they don’t like me, it’s fine”- but it is not fine with you. You do care very much about what “females like”.

“you once told me that ‘if it’s up to me you won’t feel this way’, can you tell me what would you do? I can’t think of anything that could help me”-

– my answer: you tried to do nothing in life and feel okay with yourself doing nothing, but you don’t feel okay. If I had the magic wand, I would make you feel okay doing nothing, but I don’t have that magic, no one has it, you don’t have it, so.. do something in your life for the purpose of no longer suffering as much as you do!

anita