Dear anita,

I have met him now and we actually were able to talk about the past. We were able to say goodbye to each other. He offered to stay friends, but today I told him that I can’t imagine being friends with an ex. He accepted it all and we parted amicably.

Apparently, everything is going well in his life. He told me that he is now mainly thinking about family, he looks forward to meet his wife and his son. This comment struck me extra hard, because I fear that I will end up completely alone. I have been thinking about family too, but I can’t imagine it for myself. When I think of my own family, I fear so much that I would repeat that unlucky pattern… But the thought hurts so much that I can’t stop crying. It’s stupid, I never thought of myself as a family person (because of my own family), but it must be nice,if you spend time with you children and partner, if you can show your children about the world and see the grow up. I try to be reasonable though, tell myself that with the state of the world it is only good to not have children and that I have to still work on myself a lot. Still this topic touches me somehow very  deeply. Well, I will soon be too old anyways. And I try to tell myself, that it is all for a reason. Maybe I am not meant for this.

He also said that he never understood why I ended things, that the problems were so small. But back then I almost had a nervous breakdown, so I don’t think I could have acted any differently. When I brought up the lack of communication, he said it was because I refused to get a smartphone. Which is true, I didn’t want one because of the distraction factor. But he never communicated this to me until the end. And definitely, I wasn’t the only one responsible for the communication problem. And that he wanted to put the blame on me, made me more firm in my decision to let him go. I could also not have been his friend, because I still feel something for him.Best to make a clear cut.

But it was good to meet him to finish this in a good way. When I sent him the message he wished me well and said he feels that he now fulfilled his task.

Sorry, you must be sick of the topic. I did not take your advice, but I had to find my own way of dealing with things. The abrupt no contact version doesn’t work for me and I find it hard to move on. Only in extreme cases it works for me.

When I first came to the forums, I was really looking for guidance, for an anchor. Because I felt so lost! And you always seemed so secure in your opinions. Unlike me, who is questioning my every move. It was good to have this safety. And I thank you for your advice, it has helped me a lot. But I also have to evaluate now, what works for me. People are different and there are different solutions to every problem. I hope you are o.K. with this.

About compulsions: I don’t know if this is me. I was extremely sad how things ended with K and could never get over it. I liked him very much, even though it didn’t go well. I had a hard time to let go of this. At least now I know that he doesn’t hate me, that he is well and that we parted amicably. That will be a huge consolation to me.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Lily.